


Under Duress

by KarenaWilliams (orphan_account)



Category: South Park
Genre: Everyone dates everyone at one point because small town, Fluff and Angst, Immaturity, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Reader-Insert, South Park on Facebook
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:45:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 17,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KarenaWilliams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You only got a Facebook because Eric Cartman threatened you. Now you regret it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (one)

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is thinking, "Gee, Karena, this is an awful lot like that story Timeless posted on AO3 first," that's because she originally got inspiration from this story to write her own. Also we're practically married, and what's wrong with sharing ideas between significant others, amirite?

**(Your Full Name)** joined Facebook.

**(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Stanley Marsh** , **Kyle Broflovski** , and **10 others**.

xxx

**(Your Full Name)** isn’t quite sure why she made a facebook, except that cartman threatened to post really bad pictures online if she didn’t.  
 **\-- Eric Cartman and 4 others like this.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** ;)  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** What pictures?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : there shouldn’t be any more pictures. cartman was supposed to delete them.  
 **Eric Cartman:** Was I?

xxx

**Eric Cartman has tagged (Your Full Name) in 3 new pictures.**   
**Description: (Nickname) fell asleep and I drew on her face! Aweeeesome!**

**(Your Full Name) has tagged Eric Cartman in 2 new pictures.**   
**Description: eric wears a frilly tutu and begs me to never post these online. oops?**

xxx

**Stanley Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
When did you take those pictures??

**(Your Full Name) \- Stanley Marsh**  
idk, last party Bebe had, I think?  
he found them in her closet and put them on.

**Stanley Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
Why would he put them on???

**(Your Full Name) \- Stanley Marsh**  
because he’s cartman..

xxx

**(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Craig Tucker** , **Tweek Tweak** , **Token Black** , and **Clyde Donovan**.  
 **\-- Clyde Donovan likes this.**

xxx

**Clyde Donovan - (Your Full Name)**  
what took you so long to add me???????  
i know your online!  
i can see that you read this  
(YOUR NAME)!!

**(Your Full Name) \- Clyde Donovan**  
*you’re  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker, and 6 others like this comment._**

xxx

**(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Wendy Testaburger** and **Bebe Stevens**.

xxx

**Bebe Stevens** is soooo excited that  (Your Full Name) finally made a Facebook! Now she and I can talk alllll the time!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : dislike.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Oh come on,  (Nickname)! It’ll be fuuuuun!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Define “fun”  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure.  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) , Stanley Marsh, and 3 others like this._**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Ugh!

xxx

**Wendy Testaburger - (Your Full Name)**  
Are you coming to the party this weekend?

**(Your Full Name) \- Wendy Testaburger**  
y u so obsessed with me?  
gurl i wanna no  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker, and 22 others like this comment._**

**Wendy Testaburger - (Your Full Name)**  
Funny. Are you going or not??

**(Your Full Name) \- Wendy Testaburger**  
i have nothing better to do.  
so i guess i’ll just do my hair.  
sorry, can’t make it.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker, Clyde Donovan, and 6 others like this comment._**

**Wendy Testaburger - (Your Full Name)**  
Sometimes I wonder how we’ve been friends for all these years.  
Then I remember that you actually give really good advice.  
Surpringsly.

**(Your Full Name) \- Wendy Testaburger**  
IKR!!??? har har  
yeah, i’ll be there, wends. idk why you’re asking cause you know i’m going.

**Wendy Testaburger - (Your Full Name)**  
Awesome!!! We should get together at Bebe’s before everyone shows up and do our hair!  
Okay?

**(Your Full Name) \- Wendy Testaburger**  
do i at least get to request a last meal?  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this._**

**Wendy Testaburger - (Your Full Name)**  
See you there!!!


	2. (two)

**Bebe Stevens** is getting ready for this paaartay with  (Your Full Name) and Wendy Testaburger! Got mah bitches!  
 **\-- 23 people like this status.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : please do not ever call me one of your “bitches” or i’m going to have to rescind your best friend card  
 **Bebe Stevens:** You can’t rescind that! It’s a lifelong commitment. It’s too late!  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Yeah,  (Y/N). It’s like the mafia; once you’re in, you’re in for life!  
 **(Your Full Name) :** why did i agree to get ready with you people?  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Next time get ready with me,  (Y/N)! Like, as my date.  
 **(Your Full Name) :** next time how about i take Kyle Broflovski up on his offer to study for midterms together?  
 **\-- _Kyle Broflovski likes this._**  
 **Craig Tucker:** Harsh.  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Butters Stotch** and **Jimmy Valmer**.  
 **\-- _Butters Stotch and Jimmy Valmer like this._**

xxx

 **Butters Stotch - (Your Full Name)**  
Well, hiya (Y/N)!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Butters Stotch**  
hi, butters. how are you?

 **Butters Stotch - (Your Full Name)**  
Gee, I’m doin’ pretty good! Thanks for askin’!  
What are you up to?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Butters Stotch**  
i’m getting ready for bebe’s party tonight.  
are you going?

 **Butters Stotch - (Your Full Name)**  
Well, I’d like to..  
but, you see, my parents grounded me. :(

 **(Your Full Name) \- Butters Stotch**  
again??? i’m sorry, butters. :(

 **Butters Stotch - (Your Full Name)**  
Oh! I better go! I hear my dad’s car comin’ in and I don’t want to get into anymore trouble! Bye!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Butters Stotch**  
see you at school, butters!

xxx

 **Clyde Donovan** doesn’t understand why  (Your Full Name) hates him so much!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : because when we were in seventh grade, you put gum in my hair and tied my shoelaces together.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** That was, like, five years ago!! Aren’t you over that yet??  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i will NEVER be over it.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I said I was sorry five years ago,  (Y/N)! Let it gooooo  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i can’t. my rage is the only thing that keeps me warm at night  
 **Stanley Marsh:** colorado is fucking cold  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** just wants  Kyle Broflovski to know that he cannot avoid her forever.  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I’m not avoiding you. I’m studying.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : same thing.  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** What am I avoiding you for?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i asked you to go to bebe’s party with me, you hussy  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**  
 **Kenny McCormick:** next time ask me!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : how are you even online right now? i thought you could only get on at school  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i sell drugs. hard core drugs.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : stop playing that game  
 **\-- _Stanley Marsh likes this comment._**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** When did you ask me to the party??  
 **(Your Full Name)** : like last week, kyle, jfc get with the program already  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I didn’t know you were being serious.. you know I hate parties!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : it’s our senior year. i figured you’d make at least one exception.  
 **Eric Cartman:** oh mah gawd shuddup! if i see this status pop up in my feed one more time, i swear  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you’re just jealous you can’t go with kyle  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick and Craig Tucker like this comment._**  
 **Eric Cartman:** fuck you


	3. (three)

**(Your Full Name)** was tagged in **Wendy Testaburger’s** album:  Bebe’s Blowout! (114 pictures)  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Clyde Donovan, Tweek Tweak, and 47 others liked this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : do you think you could have taken MORE pictures wendy? jfc  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** I think I should have taken more in the beginning! You looked sooooo cute with hair rollers in!  
 **\-- _Clyde Donovan likes this comment._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : wendy, i will end you  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** So did you ever get that cute guy’s number? He was totally hitting on you!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : the guy from north park?? fuck that!  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker, Kenny McCormick, Stanley Marsh, and Kyle Broflovski likes this comment._**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Giiiiiirl, if I was you, I wouldn’t have passed up on his smokin’ fine bod!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : aren’t you and clyde seeing each other now after you made out with him in the closet??  
 **\-- _Clyde Donovan likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** is now in a relationship with **Stanley Marsh**.  
 **\-- _12 people like this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : again????  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski, and Craig Tucker like this comment._**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Yes,  (Y/N)! Again.  
 **\-- _Stanley Marsh likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Pip Pirrup**.

 **Pip Pirrup** has suggested **Damien Thorn** to become friends with **(Your Full Name)**.

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Damien Thorn**.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this._**

 **Damien Thorn - (Your Full Name)**  
d0 y0u even still remember me?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Damien Thorn**  
aren’t you the son of kanye west???

 **Damien Thorn - (Your Full Name)**  
satan, actually.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Damien Thorn**  
same thing.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski, Stanley Marsh, Craig Tucker, and 36 others likes this._**

xxx

 **Clyde Donovan** is now in a relationship with **Bebe Stevens**.  
 **\-- _3 people like this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : bet it lasts one week. tops.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** you’re on!  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this._**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Fuck you! I think we’re going to last this time..  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Wait!!! When did I accept this?????  
 **Clyde Donovan:** D:

 **Bebe Stevens** is no longer in a relationship.

 **Clyde Donovan** is no longer in a relationship.  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) and Kenny McCormick like this._**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** fuck both of you.

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** thinks that  Kyle Broflovski should lend her his chemistry notes!!  
 **\-- _Tweek Tweak likes this._**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I told you to study over the weekend. You didn’t listen, did you?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : listen, mister i’m-on-my-way-to-harvard-after-graduation, not everyone has time to read their textbooks until their eyes bleed!!!  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker and Eric Cartman like this comment._**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I don’t read my textbooks THAT much. Do you want me to come over and tutor you?  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yesssss please~

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** is plotting world domination.  
 **Damien Thorn:** s0 y0u’re g0ing t0 fuck it up again?  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**  
 **Eric Cartman:** EY!!!

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh** is no longer in a relationship.

 **Wendy Testaburger** is no longer in a relationship.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Just wait till  (Your Full Name) gets online! She’s never gonna let you hear the end of this~  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Where is she??? She’s usually on right after school!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** She’s over at  Kyle’s!  
 **Wendy Testaburger** Hmmmm... is that so?  
 **\-- _Bebe Stevens likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Kyle Broflovski** is at  Taco Bell with **(Your Full Name)**.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** NO INVITE????  
 **Stanley Marsh:** ^^^  
 **Eric Cartman:** EY! I WANT TACOS!  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Don’t take MY  (Y/N) to Taco Bell!!!!!!  
 **\-- _Clyde Donovan likes this comment._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : did you just seriously like your own fucking comment, clyde donovan? sometimes you make me so ashamed.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Stanley Marsh, and Eric Cartman like this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Ike Broflovski**.  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this._**  
 **Stanley Marsh:** get ready for the game invites.  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this comment._**  
 **Stanley Marsh:** and for him to like EVERY FUCKING THING YOU SAY.  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this comment._**


	4. (four)

**Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
what color panties do you wear?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
why kenny, i never knew you fancied me like that!

 **Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
don’t. just need to know for a bet.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
against who?

 **Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
damien.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
why are and you and Damien Thorn talking about my panties???  
 **\-- _Damien Thorn likes this comment._**

 **Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
purely academic reasons.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
i don’t wear panties.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Clyde Donovan, and 12 others like this._**

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
you pervs.  
i wear those girly briefs, not panties.  
get your heads out of the fckin’ gutter!  
 **\-- _Butters Stotch likes this._**

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** is at  Casa Bonita with **Butters Stotch**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : did you kidnap him???  
 **Eric Cartman:** i am appalled you would accuse me of such a thing,  (Y/N).  
 **Butters Stotch:** yea,  (Y/N)! He asked me if I would go with him!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i thought you were grounded?  
 **Butters Stotch:** ... oh hamburgers!

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** is at  South Park High with **Stanley Marsh** and **Kenny McCormick**.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** ??? School ended an hour ago!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : she gettin’ jiggy with your ex lovah boyyyy~  
 **Bebe Stevens:** If you count being in detention “jiggy..”  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** What did you do!?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : does this have anything to do with Eric Cartman crying in the principal's office today?  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**  
 **Eric Cartman:** I WAS NOT CRYING!! I JUST HAD SOMETHING IN MY EYE!  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** is playing  Farmville!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Ike... no...  
 **Ike Broflovski:** I’m going to be the farming king!!!!!  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Kenny, don’t encourage him!!  
 **Ike Broflovski:** I’m going to have the biggest farm ever!!!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** Believe in your dreams, youngest Broflovski.  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this comment._**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** KENNY!!

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh** is now friends with **Sparky**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : are you kidding me stanley  
 **Stanley Marsh:** what?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : YOU BETTER BE KIDDING ME, STANLEY  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Stan. Please. No.  
 **Sparky:** bark bark!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

xxx

 **Kyle Broflovski** and **Ike Broflovski** are now friends with **Sheila Broflovski**.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this._**  
 **Kenny McCormick:** hello, mrs. broflovski!  
 **Sheila Broflovski:** Why hello, Kenneth! How are you today?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** very well, thank you! :)   
**Kyle Broflovski:** Kenny, go away.  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this comment._**  
 **Sheila Broflovski:** Kyle! Don’t be rude to your friend!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** yeah, kyleeeee!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** :)

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Heidi Turner**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : welcome to the dark side.  
 **Heidi Turner:** facebook cant b that bad?  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Don’t listen to her, Heidi! She just doesn’t like us harassing her to hang out all the time!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Yeah, Heidi! Facebook is greaaaaat~  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i’ll do it. i swear i’ll hit the deactivate button right now.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Heidi Turner - (Your Full Name)**  
im having a sleepover this weekend. r u going 2 come???

 **(Your Full Name) \- Heidi Turner**  
idk, let me check my schedule. i’ll have my assistant call you back

 **Heidi Turner - (Your Full Name)**  
o ok.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Heidi, she’s just jerking your leg. She’s going.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : wendy, are you my assistant? no.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** You don’t have an assistant!!!  
 **Butters Stotch:** I checked your schedule,  (Y/N), and you’re free!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : thank you for your continued work, butters. i appreciate your diligence.  
 **Butters Stotch:** No problem!!  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Wait, what?


	5. (five)

**Tweek Tweak** is at  Tweak Bros with **Craig Tucker** and **Token Black**.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker, Token Black, and 4 others like this._**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** No invite????  
 **(Your Full Name)** : rejectionnnnn.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**  
 **Tweek Tweak:** Sorryeapifjpawojefipoew Clyde!  
 **Token Black:** Dude, don’t drink your coffee and type on your phone. It’s scary.

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Towlie**.

 **Towlie - (Your Full Name)**  
don’t forget to bring a toooooowel

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** might have a stalker?  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : craig this status is about you  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker and Ike Broflovski like this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** and **Shelly Marsh** are now friends.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** what have you done  
 **\-- _Shelly Marsh likes this comment._**  
 **Shelly Marsh:** SHUDDUP TURD

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **(Your Full Name)** to play  Farmville.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : no.

 **Kenny McCormick** and **Ike Broflovski** are now playing  Farmville.  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** ...  
 **(Your Full Name)** : omg

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Mr. Hankey**.  
 **\-- _Kyle Broflovski_ likes this.**

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
where were you during history today?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Stanley Marsh**  
MAKING HISTORY

 **Stanley Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
i have no idea what to make of that

 **(Your Full Name) \- Stanley Marsh**  
some singing turd was trying to teach me the meaning of christmas  
i think kenny slipped me some weed in those brownies at lunch  
 **Kenny McCormick:** I wouldn’t have shared my weed with you if I had any.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** Soooo that definitely wasn’t me.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Stanley Marsh**  
apparently kyle knows him.  
he’s a mutual friend.

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is at  Taco Bell with Clyde Donovan.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Our first date!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** What??  
 **(Your Full Name)** : desperation makes a person do crazy things. i had no lunch or money. clyde said he’d pay.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Thus, it is a date!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** In your dreams, Clyde!!

xxx

 **Butters Stotch - (Your Full Name)**  
Hiya, (Y/N)! I tried to say hi in the hallway today, but some bigger kids shoved me out of the way :(

 **(Your Full Name) \- Butters Stotch**  
what kids???

 **Butters Stotch - (Your Full Name)**  
Those two large goth kids :(

 **(Your Full Name) \- Butters Stotch**  
don’t you worry, butters. Kenny and i are going to handle this.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**

 **Butters Stotch - (Your Full Name)**  
Oh hamburgers! Don’t get in trouble, you guys!

xxx

 **Kenny McCormick** is at  South Park High with **(Your Full Name)**.  
 **Butters Stotch:** :(  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i think i have a black eye but no one will let me go to the bathroom to look!  
 **Butters Stotch:** Oh gee, I’m sorry! :(  
 **(Your Full Name)** : NO THIS IS AWESOME I’VE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE  
 **Kenny McCormick:** The nurse gave her some weird pills. She’s really scaring me.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**


	6. (six)

**Craig Tucker:** t(-_-t)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i think this is the first time you’ve ever made a status  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yup. just checked. this is your first status ever.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Tweek Tweak** GHAAAA TOO MUCH PRESSURE!  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Were you trying to make a status?  
 **Tweek Tweak:** I CAN’T DO IT GHA  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i actually think this is the best status ever. sums him up quite nicely.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : CRAIG STOP STALKING ME

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is at  McDonald’s with **Craig Tucker**.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this._**  
 **Kenny McCormick:** Stay there I’m on my way!

xxx

 **Kenny McCormick** uploaded 2 new pictures to the album  Random Insanity.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker and (Your Full Name) like this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : craig, idk why you decided to climb on top of the mcd’s roof, but it was awesome  
 **Craig Tucker:** t(-_-t)  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **(Mother’s Name)**.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this._**

xxx

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
I’M SO GLAD YOU FINALLY ACCEPTED MY FRIEND REQUEST, HONEY

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
mom, your caps lock is on

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
WHAT?

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
your caps lock!!! it’s that key on the left that says “caps lock” on it!

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
HONEY I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT  
CAPS LOCK? WHAT’S THAT? WHAT IS IT?  
IS IT SOME NEW CRAZE THE YOUNG KIDS ARE DOING?  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this._**

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
never mind, mom. just.. never mind.

xxx

 **Towlie - Mr. Hankey**  
you forgot to bring a toooooowel

 **Mr. Hankey - Towlie**  
hoooooowdy ho!!

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** changed her profile picture and tagged **Kenny McCormick** and **Craig Tucker** in it.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick and Craig Tucker like this._**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** What the heck!? Why wouldn’t you change it to be of you, me, and Bebe!?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : because i actually have self respect  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Craig smiles!?  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
WHO ARE THOSE BOYS

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
mom, you know them. we’ve lived with them in south park my whole life.

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
THAT KENNY BOY LOOKS DANGEROUS  
LIKE HE COULD IMPREGNATE YOU WITH JUST A GLANCE  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this._**

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
MOM!!!!!

xxx

 **Craig Tucker** is now friends with **Ruby Tucker**.  
 **Craig Tucker:** t(-_-t)  
 **Ruby Tucker:** t(-_____-t)  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Ruby Tucker** and **Karen McCormick**.  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this._**

xxx

 **Ruby Tucker - (Your Full Name)**  
dO yOU hAVE a cRUSH oN mY bROTHER?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Ruby Tucker**  
i think it’s trying to speak to me.  
but i just CAN’T UNDERSTAND IT’S LANGUAGE  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this._**

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **(Your Full Name)** to play  Farmville.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ike we’ve been over this  
 **\-- _Ike Broflovski likes this comment._**

 **Ike Broflovski,** , **Kenny McCormick** , **Karen McCormick** , and **Ruby Tucker** are now playing  Farmville.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : IT’S SPREADING  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** is debating who to say yes to for Homecoming!!!  
 **\-- _Wendy Testaburger and Heidi Turner like this status._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Clyde.  
 **\-- _Clyde Donovan, Craig Tucker, and Kenny McCormick like this comment._**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** (Your Name) is speaking reason.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** (Your Name) is speaking because of the $10 you paid her at lunch today.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : I WOULD NEVER


	7. (seven)

**Ike Broflovski** has begun playing  Pet Society.

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **Karen McCormick** , **Kenny McCormick** , **Ruby Tucker** , **Kyle Broflovski** , and **(Your Full Name)** to play  Pet Society.  
 **\-- _Karen McCormick, Kenny McCormick, and Ruby Tucker like this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : another one???? how many are these on here?  
 **Ike Broflovski:** millions i’ll always have 1 to invite you 2!  
 **Sheila Broflovski:** Ike, you can spell better than that, mister!!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Yes, Ike. Please put some effort into it.  
 **Ike Broflovski:** The joy in which I derive from these social romps is immeasurable, brother and mother.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** Dude, Kyle, what happened to your brother??  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**  
 **Stanley Marsh:** invasion of the body snatchers

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is at  Taco Bell with **Tweek Tweak** and **Craig Tucker**.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** AGAIN WITH NO INVITE?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : it must have gotten lost in the mail

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** is now in a relationship with **Stanley Marsh**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re noooo  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Why must you always quote horrible pop songs at me?  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Gotta admit, that was a good one though!!  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Craig Tucker** who has a car and is willing to drive me to North Park?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** (Your Full Name) and Token Black  
 **Token Black:** Can’t. I have a meeting with a university after school.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : why are you going to north park?  
 **Craig Tucker:** it’s better if you don’t ask any questions.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : okay. you have intrigued me. pick you up at your house tonight? say 6?  
 **Craig Tucker:** works for me.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** I feel like I should really be pestering to find out what’s going to happen.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** A good ole fashioned hoe down???  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** IS NEVER DRIVING  Craig TO NORTH PARK EVER AGAIN. WE NEARLY DIED, OKAY.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Stanley Marsh, Shelly Marsh, and 24 others like this._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : NO FUCK YOU GUYS WE ALMOST DIED OKAY  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Craig DID NOT PROPERLY ADVISE ME WHY WE WERE GOING THERE  
 **(Your Full Name)** : apparently some kids stole Tweek’s bike the other day so he went over there to STEAL IT BACK AND SOMEHOW WE MANAGED BUT THOSE HUGE BURLY GUYS FUCKING CHASED US  
 **(Your Full Name)** : craig i hate you  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**  
 **Craig Tucker:** Tweek, I have your bike at my house

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Red**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : why don’t you have a last name  
 **Red:** i want 2 b lyk madonna!

xxx

 **Sparky - (Your Full Name)**  
BARK BARK

 **(Your Full Name) \- Sparky**  
stanley do not play this game with me, mothafucka

 **Sparky - (Your Full Name)**  
PANT PANT BARK

 **(Your Full Name) \- Sparky**  
i will end you

 **Sparky - (Your Full Name)**  
BARK BARK BA-BA-BARK  
 **Stanley Marsh:** he’s saying he just wants to be friends  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i don’t care if i’ve known you my whole life, i will unfriend you

xxx

 **Damien Thorn** is now friends with **Satan**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : omg i hate facebook  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Pip Pirrup** is now friends with **Henrietta Biggle**.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** I am sensing a really good story behind this  
 **Pip Pirrup:** She’s actually very nice, you know!  
 **Henrietta Biggle:** fuck you, mccormick  
 **Kenny McCormick** : Yeah, everyone wants to.  
 **\-- _Red likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Red** is now friends with **Bebe Stevens** , **Wendy Testaburger** , and **Heidi Turner**.

xxx

 **Red - Heidi Turner**  
lyk, when is ur sleepover??

 **Heidi Turner - Red**  
this weekend!! r u going 2 come?

 **Red - Heidi Turner**  
yea!!! my parents said it was ok

 **Heidi Turner - Red**  
gud! c u there!

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** is going to drag  (Your Name) to Heidi’s sleepover, kicking and screaming.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i actually seriously can’t go. i’m grounded.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** WHAT?? Why!?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : apparently borrowing your mom’s car and driving your friend to north park, nearly getting killed stealing back your friend’s bike, and coming back after curfew is NOT. OKAY.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** DAMMIT  (Your Name)!!!! i swear you do this shit on purpose  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) and Kenny McCormick like this comment._**


	8. (eight)

**Bebe Stevens:** is at  Heidi Turner’s sleepover!!! Soooo much fun. Too bad (Your Full Name) GOT GROUNDED AND COULDN’T MAKE IT!!! D:  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) , Craig Tucker, and Kenny McCormick like this._**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** (Your Full Name) don’t LIKE IT!!  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** If I didn’t know any better, I could bet that she got grounded on purpose.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : no way, not me.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : doesn’t sound like something i would do  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** It definitely sounds like something you would do.  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** uploaded 27 new photos to the album  Heidi’s Sleepover WHICH (YOUR NAME) DIDN’T ATTEND.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i am sensing some passive aggressive anger  
 **Bebe Stevens:** It’s no longer passive.  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** thinks  Stanley Marsh should jump from his roof.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** that’s a mean thing to say  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yet oddly true  
 **Stanley Marsh:** why do you want me to jump?  
 **Sparky:** BARK BARK  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i think you know why  
 **\-- _Stanley Marsh likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Pip Pirrup - (Your Full Name)**  
I heard you earlier that you’re having trouble with Trig!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Pip Pirrup**  
are you... stalking me, pip?

 **Pip Pirrup - (Your Full Name)**  
Oh no, no! Nothing like that! I just overheard in the hallway.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Pip Pirrup**  
riiiiight. but yeah, i am. why?

 **Pip Pirrup - (Your Full Name)**  
I was going to offer to help tutor you!  
 **Clyde Donovan:** BACK OFF MY WOMAN  
 **(Your Full Name)** : CLYDE I AM NOT YOUR WOMAN  
 **(Your Full Name)** : and yes, pip. i really need a tutor, if you don’t mind.

xxx

 **Clyde Donovan** just wants to know why  (Your Full Name) always spurns him.  
 **Craig Tucker:** because it’s you?  
 **\-- _(Your Full Name) likes this comment._**  
 **Stanley Marsh:** damn.

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh** is no longer in a relationship.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : wow, i never saw that coming  
 **Sparky:** BARK BARK BARK BARK  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i hate you  
 **\-- _Stanley Marsh likes this comment._**

xxx

 **Jimmy Valmer** h-how do you m-make an e-e-egg roll? ... y-y-you push i-it. wow, what a g-great audience.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : jimmy that was great  
 **Jimmy Valmer:** t-thank y-you

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is no longer grounded!!  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker, Stanley Marsh, and 12 others like this._**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** How did you get ungrounded THE DAY AFTER the sleepover?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : an act of mercy from God  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Why are we friends with you again??  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i have no idea, bebe

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is at  Taco Bell with **Bebe Stevens** and **Wendy Testaburger**.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** they forgave you?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i have to pay  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Yummmm!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i didn’t realize they could eat this much. this was a mistake.  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name) \- Damien Thorn**  
how’s kanye?

 **Damien Thorn - (Your Full Name)**  
y0u mean my father?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Damien Thorn**  
i thought we established this, damien.

xxx

 **Ruby Tucker - Karen McCormick**  
dO yOU wANNA cOME oVER lATER???? mY mOM sAID iT wAS oKAY!

 **Karen McCormick - Ruby Tucker**  
Okay! I’ll see you soon.  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Kenny, why can your sister type better than you?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i hve no idea wat ur talkin bout kaaaaahyle  
 **\-- _Karen McCormick likes this comment._**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** changed her profile picture and tagged **Bebe Stevens** and **Wendy Testaburger** in it.  
 **\-- _Bebe Stevens and Wendy Testaburger like this._**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** FINALLY.  
 **\-- _Wendy Testaburger likes this comment._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i kind of miss my kenny and craig one though  
 **Bebe Stevens:** GOOD RIDDANCE now it’s finally the golden trio!!! :D

xxx

 **Damien Thorn - Pip Pirrup**  
are y0u busy next weekend?

 **Pip Pirrup - Damien Thorn**  
No! I am not! Whatever is the matter?

 **Damien Thorn - Pip Pirrup**  
d0n’t make any plans

 **Pip Pirrup - Damien Thorn**  
Okay, Damien! Sure thing! :)

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** is now in a relationship with **Token Black**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : well, fuck.  
 **\-- _Bebe Stevens likes this comment._**


	9. (nine)

**Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
bebe’s party. this weekend. will you go with me?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
i like a man who’s straight to the point

 **Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
is that a yes??

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
that’s a yes. but only on the condition that we mock Clyde ceaselessly the entire night

 **Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
deal.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
oh be still, my fluttering heart!  
 **\-- _Kenny McCormick likes this comment._**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO

xxx

 **Pip Pirrup** is at  Hell’s Pass Hospital with **Damien Thorn**.  
 **Damien Thorn:** that did n0t g0 as expected.  
 **Pip Pirrup:** Damien, I think t’would be best if we never speak of this again.  
 **\-- _Damien Thorn likes this comment._**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : NO. SPEAK. SPEAK ABOUT THIS. RIGHT NOW.

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is on the wrong side of the tracks.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Did you go over to Kenny’s house???  
 **Kenny McCormick:** hey, at least the guy wasn’t killed.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : but he WAS beaten to a pulp in front of us. kenny, from now on, we’re hanging out at my house.

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh - Kyle Broflovski**  
sleepover this weekend?

 **Kyle Broflovski - Stanley Marsh**  
Sure! I finally finished studying for tests, so I have more free time now.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you two are just the cutest!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i could just pinch your cheeks!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you two are so precious together!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** you make me want to vomit rainbows!!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Both of you can just shut up now.

xxx

 **Shelly Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
WHY ARE YOU SUCH A TURD?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Shelly Marsh**  
i haven’t the faintest idea, shelly, but i will give this some deep consideration  
 **\-- _Stanley Marsh and Kenny McCormick like this._**

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** has begun playing  Mafia Wars.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ike i think you need to see an addicts group  
 **\-- _Kyle Broflovski likes this comment._**

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **(Your Full Name)** to play  Mafia Wars.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i am taking a stand to addiction, ike.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you should too. BE THE BETTER MAN.

 **Ike Broflovski** , **Kenny McCormick** , **Karen McCormick** , **Stanley Marsh** , and **Ruby Tucker** are now playing  Mafia Wars.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ARRRRRGH!

xxx

 **Kenny McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
what are my chances of getting lucky at bebe’s party?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kenny McCormick**  
you at least have to take me to mcdonald’s and call me pretty.  
i have standards, you know.  
 **\-- _Craig Tucker likes this._**

xxx

 **Butters Stotch** I finally got my Facebook access back! I promise never to be a bad boy with a bad face ever again to my parents.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i was wondering where you were. why haven’t you been at school??  
 **Butters Stotch:** I’ve been grounded for being a naughty boy!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : THEY GROUNDED YOU FROM SCHOOL???  
 **Butters Stotch:** Yes! I caused a fight because of that goth boy :(  
 **(Your Full Name)** : they grounded you cause of Kenny and i defending you...?  
 **Butters Stotch:** They said I put you up to it :(  
 **Kenny McCormick:** sometimes i hate parents.

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** you know a party is going to be classy when, two minutes in, your date offers to show you his penis to alleviate boredom.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** you didn’t say no.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i was too busy laughing.  
 **\-- _Stanley Marsh likes this comment._**


	10. (ten)

**Kenny McCormick** guess who got to see peen last night!  
 **\-- (Your Full Name), Stanley Marsh, and 13 others like this.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : bebe  
 **\-- Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan likes this comment.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : and definitely not Clyde’s peen  
 **\-- Craig Tucker and Kenny McCormick likes this comment.**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** : WHAT????

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** really wishes that the NSA would stop listening in on his impooooortant phone calls.  Kyle Broflovski is a spyyyy.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you hadn’t updated in so long, i was kind of hoping you’d been hacked  
 **Kenny McCormick:** he forgot his password again  
 **Eric Cartman:** SHUT UP KENNY, YOU’RE POOR  
 **Stanley Marsh:** Pretty sure that has nothing to do with this, dude  
 **Eric Cartman:** SCREW YOU GUYS, I’M GOIN’ HOME  
 **(Your Full Name)** : aren’t you already there?  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Kenny McCormick, Stanley Marsh, and 27 other people likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** needs to find a date for Homecoming. Any takers?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** ME!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i already took you out on a date, kenny. i have to spread the love around  
 **Tweek Tweakers:** will y-you g-go to-- GAHHHH TOO MUCH PRESSURE-- to h-homecoming with m-me?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : sure, tweek.  
 **Eric Cartman:** Are you fucking serious right now,  (Your Name)?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yes. as long as it’s not YOU, cartman, then i’m happy.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Clyde Donovan** missed his chance to ask  (Your Name) to Homecoming.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : damn and i’m really upset about it too  
 **Clyde Donovan:** i have a feeling you’re really not  
 **(Your Full Name)** : am i that transparent to you?

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** might have to do something desperate.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : what are you going to do  
 **(Your Full Name)** : bebe you’ve not responded and it’s been an hour  
 **(Your Full Name)** : BEBE WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Wendy i might need backup  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Bebe! What are you planning?  
 **Clyde Donovan:** GUESS WHO HAS A DATE TO HOMECOMING  
 **(Your Full Name)** : omg she really was desperate.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** SAY ALL YOU WANT,  (Your Name), BUT I AM ON CLOUD NINE RIGHT NOW  
 **Bebe Stevens:** sigh

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh** i walk a lonely road, the only one that i have ever known  
 **(Your Full Name)** : omg stan just ask fucking Kyle to homecoming and get it over with  
 **Kenny McCormick:** yeah, dude. we all know you want to.  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I don’t have a date either,  Stanley.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : SEE? it’s perfect.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** sometimes i really hate you guys.  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick and (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** no, but seriously you guys. How did  Tweek get a date, but I didn’t?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : good karma  
 **(Your Full Name)** : also he’s not a psychopath  
 **Eric Cartman:** fuck you

xxx

 **(Your Full Name) \- Damien Thorn**  
omg, do you know what would be great?

 **Damien Thorn - (Your Full Name)**  
n0, but i have a feeling y0u will enlighten me s00n

 **(Your Full Name) \- Damien Thorn**  
IF YOUR FATHER CHAPERONED THE DANCE

 **Damien Thorn - (Your Full Name)**  
... he’s actually 0n t0ur right n0w

 **(Your Full Name) \- Damien Thorn**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **Damien Thorn - (Your Full Name)**  
why d0 i put up with y0u f00lish m0rtals again?  
 **Pip Pirrup:** I’m certainly glad you do though!


	11. (eleven)

**Wendy Testaburger** has uploaded twenty new photos to the album  Time Travelling to the Past.

 **Wendy Testaburger** has tagged  (Your Full Name), Bebe Stevens, Clyde Donovan, Kyle Broflovski, Stanley Marsh, and 22 others in this album.

 **(Your Full Name)** commented on a picture: whoa, wtf. i don’t remember any of these  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** You were actually kind of cute as a kid,  (Your Name)!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : what are you talking about, i’m still a stud  
 **Stanley Marsh:** are you a man now cause otherwise you can’t be a stud  
 **(Your Full Name)** : don’t be fcking sexist, stan, of course i can be a stud smh  
 **Sparky:** BARK BARK BARK  
 **(Your Full Name)** : when i get ahold of you, you will feel the DEPTHS OF MY HATRED

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** is now in a relationship with **Token Black**.  
 **\-- Bebe Stevens and Clyde Donovan like this.**  
 **Stanley Marsh:** boooo  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you whore  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Ha ha ha,  (Your Name). Very funny!

xxx

 **Tweek Tweak** checked in at  South Park High with **Clyde Donovan** and **Craig Tucker**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : why are you guys there on a saturday??  
 **Tweek Tweak:** detention..  
 **Craig Tucker:** we’re supposed to do lines  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I WAS FRAMED, I TELL YOU. FRAMED.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** bullshit, clyde. i fucking saw you.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** you saw nothing, kenneth.  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** So... it was you three who threw water balloons from the top of the school onto Cartman’s head?  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I WAS FRAMED.  
 **Eric Cartman:** fuck you guys.

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** would like the general populace to know that he does, in fact, have a date for Homecoming.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : paying a prostitute doesn’t count, cartman  
 **Eric Cartman:** FUCK YOU,  (Your Name)!! YOU’RE SUCH A SKANK  
 **(Your Full Name)** : *stud  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Jimmy Valmer - (Your Full Name)**  
w-what d-did o-o-one to-to-to-toilet s-say to the o-other toilet?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Jimmy Valmer**  
no idea, Jimmy. what?

 **Jimmy Valmer - (Your Full Name)**  
you l-look f-fl-flushed!  
 **Jimmy Valmer:** w-wow, what a g-great audience  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Kenny McCormick** thanks for all the birthday wishes, bitches.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : did you unwrap the present i got you yet???  
 **Kenny McCormick:** not yet. you told me to wait until i’m at home and alone.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** why does he have to be alone?????????  
 **(Your Full Name)** : don’t worry your pretty little head over it, clyde  
 **Clyde Donovan:** ?????? what did you get him????  
 **Kenny McCormick:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Kenny McCormick** uploaded a new photo.  
 **Kenny McCormick** changed his profile picture.

 **Kyle Broflovski** commented on Kenny McCormick’s  profile picture.  
 **Kyle Broflovski** : WHAT!  
 **Stanley Marsh:** kenny, how did you procure a blow up doll?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.


	12. (twelve)

**Kenny McCormick** thinks  (Your Full Name) is the bestest best friend EVER. in the entire UNIVERSE.  
**\-- Craig Tucker, (Your Full Name) and 5 others like this status.**  
**Kyle Broflovski:** Just STOP with the blow up doll thing!  
**Eric Cartman:** wtf  (Your Name)! Last year for my birthday you only gave me coal!  
**(Your Full Name)** : that’s because you’re a bad, bad boy  
**Stanley Marsh:** are you santa?  
**(Your Full Name)** : *a stud

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** wold just like everyone to remember that time he MADE A COW GINGWER.  
**(Your Full Name)** : *ginger  
**Eric Cartman:** STFU  (Your Name) IT WAS A TYPO  
**Kenny McCormick:** *would  
**Eric Cartman:** SCREW YOU GYS  
**Stanley Marsh:** *guys  
**Eric Cartman:** ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW, YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES  
**(Your Full Name)** : *studs

xxx

 **Pip Pirrip** is with **(Your Full Name)** at  McDonald’s.  
**Craig Tucker:** are you cheating on Tweek  
**(Your Full Name)** : you got me. i looked at pip today and went “omg you hunky brit, take me now”  
**\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
**Pip Pirrip:** That’s... not what happened?

xxx

 **Butters Stotch** is going on a vacation next week!!  
**(Your Full Name)** : where are you going??  
**Butters Stotch:** a camp!  
**(Your Full Name)** : wait, a camp? it’s only november..  
**Butters Stotch:** my parents said i’ve been a naughty boy and that this camp will help me to be better.  
**Kenny McCormick:** ... i have a bad feeling about this..

xxx

 **Kyle Broflovski** yummy yummy yummy i want cartman’s farts in my tummy  
**Eric Cartman:** whoa, what!  
**Stanley Marsh:** what... the fuck...  
**\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**  
**Kyle Broflovski:** GOD DAMMIT CARTMAN

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** loves her boyfriend  Token Black soooo much!!  
**\-- Bebe Stevens, Clyde Donovan, and Token Black like this status.**  
**(Your Full Name** : sometimes you scare me  
**Wendy Testaburger:** Why!?  
**(Your Full Name)** : you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re noooo  
**\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
**Wendy Testaburger:** Oh goddammit!! Why are you always quoting that song at me!?

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** has gotten addicted to the show Jersey Shore.  
**Kenny McCormick:** what?????  
**(Your Full Name)** Eric Cartman NEEDS TO STOP HACKING PEOPLE’S FACEBOOKS  
**(Your Full Name)** : or he’s going to get a VERY unpleasant surprise  
**Eric Cartman:** Whaaaaat? I have nooooo idea what you’re taaaalking about!

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** uploaded a new photo and tagged  Eric Cartman.  
**Eric Cartman:** HOW DID YOU GET  Clyde Frog’S COFFIN????????  
**(Your Full Name)** YOU FUCKING MADE A FACEBOOK PAGE FOR HIM????  
**Eric Cartman:** DON’T JUDGE MY LIFE CHOICES  
**(Your Full Name)** I CAN’T HELP IT IF YOU’RE A PSYCHOPATH CARTMAN  
**\-- Stanley Marsh likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is at  South Park Mall with **Tweek Tweak**.  
**Clyde Donovan:** Are you guys on a date!?  
**(Your Full Name)** : what would you do if i said yes?  
**Clyde Donovan:** BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR! he already has one date with you!!! share the wealth,  Tweek!  
**Tweek Tweak:** o-OH GOD! T-too much p-pressure!!  
**Craig Tucker:** knock it the fuck off, clyde  
**\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** wants to know if Princess  Kenny McCormick would like to go to taco bell later.  
**Kenny McCormick:** you’re never going to let me live that down, are you  
**(Your Full Name)** : not as long as there is breath in my lungs, no.  
**\-- Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski likes this comment.**


	13. (thirteen)

**(Your Full Name)** i found  Kenny’s old Stop Touching Me Elmo.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i told you not to search my closet  
 **Bebe Stevens:** I thought you weren’t ever going to go to his house again??  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yeah, but then he asked me if i wanted to see his weiner  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick likes this comment.**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** you’re... joking, right?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : am i, bebe? am i?

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Randall Marsh**.  
 **\-- Randall Marsh likes this.**  
 **Stanley Marsh:** omg what have you done??  
 **(Your Full Name)** : vengence is mine  
 **Randall Marsh:** wHy HaVeN’t YoU aCcEpTeD mY fRiEnD rEqEuSt StAn?  
 **Stanley Marsh:** no no no no no  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Eric Cartman like this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** hey  Craig Tucker remember that time you went to peru  
 **Craig Tucker:** t(-_-t)  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** you mean remember the time that Craig was a whiny little bitch? oh, waaaaait, that’s everrrry dayyyy.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i’d tell you to look in the mirror, but then you’d break it  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Stanley Marsh, and 27 others like this comment.**

xxx

 **Randall Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
aSk StAn WhY hE wOn’T aCcEpT mY fRiEnD rEqUeSt!!!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Randall Marsh**  
i think you know why, mr. marsh

 **Randall Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
wHaT?? i HaVe No IdEa WhY hE wOuLdN’t!!!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Randall Marsh**  
think. think reaaaaaal hard. oN wHy He WoUlDn’T lIkE yOu... i wonder why.  
 **\-- Stanley Marsh likes this.**

 **Randall Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
OoOoOoOoOo...... hE’s JeAlOuS!!!

xxx

 **Sparky** BARK BARK BARK snuffle BARK pant pant growl.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Stanley are you serious right now  
 **Stanley Marsh:** why are you always getting mad at me? i’m not the one who’s posting those updates.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : don’t fuck around with the stud muffin, marsh.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** ... what

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** invited **(Your Full Name)** to play  Farmville.  
 **(Your Full Name):** no.  
 **Ike Broflovski:** i need u 2 fertilize my crops!!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : no.  
 **Ike Broflovski:** this is a matter of lyf and death!!!  
 **(Your Full Name) :** no.  
 **Ike Broflovski:** it hasn’t expanded n 3 days!!!!!  
 **(Your Full Name) :** good.

xxx

 **Shelly Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
DID YOU THINK ABOUT WHY YOU’RE SUCH A TURD????

 **(Your Full Name) \- Shelly Marsh**  
oh yeah, i said i’d think about it, huh

 **Shelly Marsh - (Your Full Name)**  
YOU’RE A TURD, YOU TURD  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**

 **(Your Full Name) \- Shelly Marsh**  
talking with you always brings a smile to my face, shelly

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** wants to know if  (Your Full Name) and Wendy Testaburger want to go out dress shopping this weekend. Homecoming is next week!!!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i have to wash my hair, soooo i can’t.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** (Your Name)!!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** YOU’RE GOING!!! AND WE’RE GOING TO MAKE THIS A PERFECT GET TOGETHER!!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : u-uh, okay...  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Sometimes... Bebe is really scary.  
 **\-- (Your Full Name), Clyde Donovan, and Craig Tucker likes this comment.**


	14. (fourteen)

**Kenny McCormick** has a date to Homecoming, bitches.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : who is it  
 **Kenny McCormick:** guess!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I heard Hiedi wanted to ask you. Did you say yes?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** thaaaat’s not who it is.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : your left hand, because you usually use your right  
 **\-- Stanley Marsh likes this comment.**  
 **Kenny McCormick:** that’s right!!! and i might even let it get a little... frisky (;  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Do I even want to know how you guessed that,  (Your Name)?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : unfortunately, we’ve been spending a looooooot of time together lately  
 **Kenny McCormick:** are you still coming over tonight  
 **(Your Full Name)** : no, i’ll let you and your left hand get a little better acquainted before homecoming  
 **\-- Craig Tucker and Kenny McCormick like this comment.**

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** Hey, who remembers when  Kenny’s parents were white trash and in trouble?  
 **\-- Eric Cartman likes this status.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : remember when your mom slept with an entire football team  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick likes this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** FUCK YOU!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : okay okay what about the time that you were white trash and in trouble?  
 **Eric Cartman:** SCREW YOU  (Your Name)!!!

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is at  Casa Bonita with **Kenny McCormick**.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 **(Your Full Name)** : aren’t you going to homecoming with bebe  
 **Clyde Donovan:** BUT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY FIRST LOVE!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** hey, you didn’t offer to flash her the d, so you lost clyde. accept it.  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** is at  South Park Mall with **(Your Full Name)** and **Wendy Testaburger**.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** For those who are wondering, yes. Bebe really did drag  (Your Name) kicking and screaming from her house. Literally.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : BEBE I REFUSE TO BUY A DRESS  
 **Bebe Stevens:** YOU WILL PUT ON WHATEVER DRESSES WE PICK OUT, OR SO HELP ME!  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** This is actually a lot more amusing than I first thought it would be!

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** was tagged in 3 new photos in the album  Bebe Goes Shopping!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : dislike.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** DAMMIT  Tweek YOU LUCKED OUT! LOOK AT HER!  
 **Tweek Tweak:** y-you look r-really pr-pretty  (Your Name), AUGH!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : thanks, tweekers.

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** GUESS WHAT IS TONIGHT BITCHES  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Hooomecoming!!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** I can’t wait to find out if I won Homecoming Queen or not!  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** May the best girl win!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : just don’t hate me when you ain’t me  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Mother’s Name)** uploaded 27 new photos to the album  My Little Girl’s Senior Homecoming!

 **(Mother’s Name)** tagged  (Your Full Name) in the album My Little Girl’s Senior Homecoming!

 **(Your Full Name)** tagged  Tweek Tweak in the album My Little Girl’s Senior Homecoming!

 **Wendy Testaburger** commented on a photo in the album.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Do you think your mom took enough pictures??  
 **(Your Full Name)** : she would have taken more, but i stole the camera  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Why didn’t you let her take more!?? You look so pretty!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : tweek was starting to crack under all the pressure  
 **Tweek Tweak:** GAHHHH!!

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is at  Sizzler with **Tweek Tweak** , **Craig Tucker** , **Token Black** , **Wendy Testaburger** , **Bebe Stevens** , and **Clyde Donovan**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : craig is going stag. he’s so fashionable  
 **Craig Tucker:** Bitches asked me left and right.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Bebe is in love with my tux!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** You got me, Clyde!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : tweek looks more dashing, let’s be honest here  
 **Tweek Tweak:** AHHH! T-thank you..

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** well i did it. i’m at homecoming. it’s not as bad as i thou-- oh my god bebe dared kenny to strip.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : HAHAHAHAHAHA COUNSELOR MACKEY IS TELLING HIM DRUGS ARE BAD  
 **Kenny McCormick:** on a scale of yes to hubba hubba, how much do you want to see me naked again  (Your Name)?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : oh you handsome beast, take me now!

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** Oooookay, who spiked the fruit punch? Clyde is singing Justin Bieber, and there has to be alcohol involved here.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : no, that’s just regular clyde behavior  
 **Clyde Donovan:** BABY, BABY, BABY OHHHHHH

xxx

 **Tweek Tweak** DIDN’T KNOW THERE’S SO MUCH PRESSURE AT HOMECOMING AHHHHH!!  
 **Craig Tucker:** Dude, you only danced one slow song with her.  
 **Tweek Tweak:** TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** UPDATE TO THE COUNT! number of times kenny has tried to strip: 12. number of times completely successful: 1.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** When did he succeed???  
 **Kenny McCormick:** when i asked her to go to the back hallway with me!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** WTF ARE YOU TWO DOING!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : hehehehehe


	15. (fifteen)

**(Your Full Name)** kenny just asked me if i wanted to dance and that he’d request a special song to be ‘our song’  
 **Bebe Stevens:** uhm. why are you and kenny dancing to ‘my humps’?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** CAUSE IT’S OUR JAM!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : kenneth, why in the world do i like you?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i ask myself that a lot too, it’s ok

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** Friendly reminder that  Kyle and Stanley are fags!! Have a nice night!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i think it’s cute that they slow danced  
 **Kenny McCormick:** you’re just jealous that you asked  (Your Name) to dance with you and she laughed right in your face, Eric  
 **Eric Cartman:** SCREW YOU, KINNY!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : *kenny

xxx

 **Butters Stotch** is really, really happy that  Lola Gibson agreed to be his date to Homecoming!  
 **Lola Gibson:** Thank you for asking me Butters. I was really happy when you did.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : lola, i didn’t know you had a facebook  
 **Lola Gibson:** I just made it the other night. It is really fun so far!  
 **Eric Cartman:** Oh my godddd and now we get to see you constantly not use contractions, yayyyyy  
 **Kenny McCormick:** don’t mind him, he’s still smarting that  (Your Name) told him she doesn’t want to see his weiner  
 **Eric Cartman:** THAT DID NOT HAPPEN  Kenny!!! FUCK YOU!  
 **Stanley Marsh:** actually, it did happen. i have it recorded on my cell phone.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, Kenny McCormick, and 29 others like this comment.**

xxx

 **Craig Tucker** is going solo.  
 **(Your Full Name):** this has already been established, craig, yes  
 **Craig Tucker:** Will you give me a ride to north park later?  
 **(Your Full Name)** I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE WITH YOU AGAIN, CRAIG TUCKER.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Lola Gibson**.  
 **\-- Butters Stotch likes this.**

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** HOMECOMING QUEEN IS ABOUT TO BE ANNOUNCED. DON’T HATE ME WHEN I WIN OKAY GIRLS!  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** It’s a good thing you AREN’T going to win this year, Bebe! :)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ouuuuuuch, need some aloe vera for that BUUUUUUUUUURN bebe?  
 **Bebe Stevens:** fuck you,  (Your Name)

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** HOW DID THAT GOTH GIRL HENRIETTA WIN HOMECOMING QUEEN WITH  Stanley Marsh???? THIS IS NOT HAPPENING, OMG.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** WHAT IS HAPPENING! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : maybe the best woman won  
 **Bebe Stevens:** I don’t know how, but you have something to do with this, don’t you?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : what would eeeever give you that idea?  
 **Bebe Stevens:** OMG YOU DID YOU TOTALLY ORCHESTRATED THIS

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Henrietta Biggle**.  
 **\-- Stanley Marsh likes this.**

xxx

 **Henrietta Biggle - (Your Full Name)**  
I don’t usually do things like that but their faces were worth it Thanks

 **(Your Full Name) \- Henrietta Biggle**  
i took pictures so we can always remember them. i’ll share them with you later.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW  
 **Kenny McCormick:** hey there’s always prom, bebe. just start sucking cock ahead of time and you’ll buy enough votes.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker and Stanley Marsh like this comment.**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Kenny I’m going to tell everyone about that thing you told me to never tell.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** NO. I’M SORRY. DON’T.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : NO. NOW YOU HAVE TO TELL. BEBE, PLEASE TELL.  
 **Henrietta Biggle:** How do I unfollow this post I’m regretting starting this now

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** Who’s coming to the after party at  Token’s??  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Me, so I can drink my sorrow away!  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Is  (Your Name) going??  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Clyde, don’t forget that I’M your date and I’M mad at her because SHE rigged the voting.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you know, just to see bebe’s loving and shining face, i will be there, clyde  
 **Kenny McCormick:** COUNT ME IN  
 **Craig Tucker** : See you there kawaii Princess Kenny-chan desu  
 **Kenny McCormick:** fuck you, craig. fuck. you.


	16. (sixteen)

**(Your Full Name)** so i guess since homecoming is technically over now i can finally make it all official  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Make what official??  
 **Bebe Stevens:** ?

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now in a relationship with **Kenny McCormick**.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski, Bebe Stevens, and 42 others like this.**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Stanley you owe me $5.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** DAMMIT  
 **Bebe Stevens:** I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!  
 **Clyde Donovan:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i can now officially tell  Clyde to get the fuck off MY WOMAN  
 **(Your Full Name)** jfc

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** thinks this night has been one crazy thing after another!  
 **Token Black:** I totally knew they were going to hook up.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : are we still talking about Kenny and i?? i seriously didn’t think this would be so sensational  
 **Bebe Stevens:** THE FACT THAT KENNY IS IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP? FUCK YES IT’S CRAZY  
 **(Your Full Name)** : jfc bebe calm yo tits  
 **Bebe Stevens:** I DIDN’T THINK HE WOULD EVER SETTLE DOWN. WHAT IS HAPPENING. UP IS DOWN, RIGHT IS WRONG  
 **Eric Cartman:** No wonder Kenny was all over you whenever I came around. He’s jealous I might steal you away!!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : no, i can assure you that’s not the case. nor will it ever be. EVER.  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick, Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and 12 others like this comment.**

xxx

 **Clyde Donovan** thinks  Token should seriously have some karaoke going on right about now.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** Why? so you can sing Justin Bieber? No thank you!  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** UHHHH because it’s fun and it would make this party even more BOMBING  
 **(Your Full Name)** : please don’t ever say that again. bombing is not a thing. do not try to make it a thing.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** you know what’s BOMBING? clyde’s jokes.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** FIRST YOU TAKE MY WOMAN, NOW YOU INSULT ME MCCORMICK?  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** In order to “take your woman” she would have to be yours in the first place.  
 **Craig Tucker:** ouch. the truth has been spoken.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : SHOTS FIRED. SHOTS FIRED.

xxx

 **Kenny McCormick** okay but seriously WHO BROUGHT UNDESIRABLES to this party and who thought ‘hey you know what tweek doesn’t freak out enough, let’s shoot him up with something even more crazy’  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Craig and i wrapped him up in a blanket and locked him in a closet. i think he should be safe in there.  
 **Craig Tucker:** I went back and I’m sitting in here with him. He’ll be fine.  
 **Eric Cartman:** You two are sooooooo cute together, Craig. You should just admit it already that you’re totally tapping his spazzy ass.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** Eric if I didn’t know better, I would think you were jealous they had such a great best friendship.  
 **Eric Cartman:** I’M NOT JEALOUS OF THOSE ASSHOLES  
 **(Your Full Name)** : SHOTS FIRED. SHOTS FIRED.  
 **Eric Cartman:** SHUT THE FUCK UP,  (Your Name)!!!!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** don’t yell at my woman, cartman unless you want me to kick your ass  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
 **Bebe Stevens:** I swear that half the time,  (Your Name) is just trying to egg everyone on  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** WHO INVITED NORTH PARK?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : I CANNOT BE HERE ANYMORE. I NEED TO LEAVE. Craig THE GUY WHO NEARLY KILLED US LAST TIME IS IN THE HOUSE. OMG STAY IN THE CLOSET.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** you never did tell me this story  
 **(Your Full Name)** : IT IS NOT A STORY I EVER WANT TO RELIVE, EVEN INSIDE OF MY OWN HEAD, EVER AGAIN  
 **Craig Tucker:** ha.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : this is not funny, craig aaron tucker.  
 **Craig Tucker:** ... when did you figure out my middle name  
 **(Your Full Name)** : got it out of the school system  
 **Kenny McCormick:** are you hacking shit again?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : again? i never stopp-- i mean, noooooooooooo

xxx

 **Token Black** would like to thank everyone for coming, but the police have now shown up. Please leave and try not to make a scene.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** It’s because of those damn North Park boys starting a fight with  Kenny!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** they shouldn’t have shoved  (Your Full Name)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : not gonna lie, it was hot that Kenny shot to my defense  
 **Stanley Marsh:** kenny, they already let you out of jail?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** yeah,  (Your Name) came and bailed me out  
 **(Your Full Name)** : anything for my snookums  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i really like you, but no. just no.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : my sugar wooger lumpy wumpy bear  
 **Stanley Marsh:** are you drunk right now  
 **(Your Full Name)** : MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYBE  
 **\-- Stanley Marsh, Craig Tucker, and Kenny McCormick like this comment.**


	17. (seventeen)

**Eric Cartman** NO BUT SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS, how did  Kenny get a girlfriend before ME!???  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** It’s called not being an asshole, fatass!!  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, (Your Full Name), Stanley Marsh, and 23 others like this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** fuck you, kahyle. you’re just mad that  Stanley hasn’t asked you out yet  
 **Stanley Marsh:** i did ask him out, fatass. to homecoming. or did you forget your status making fun of us for dancing together?  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Kenny McCormick like this comment.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : it’s actually really easy to get a girlfriend, eric  
 **Eric Cartman:** okay then humor me. how do i do it?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : just try, you know, not being you.  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker, Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski and 37 others like this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** fuck you,  (Your Name)  
 **Kenny McCormick:** no, that’s my job!

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** is soooo sad the party had to end so soon! I was having a lot of fun!!  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I HAD FINALLY CONVINCED  Token TO LET US KARAOKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHY DO THE GODS HATE ME TONIGHT  
 **Craig Tucker** : because no one likes justin bieber except you  
 **Clyde Donovan:** he is a talented musician, okay stop making fun of him!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Clyde is a Belieber.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** MY HEART. IT ACHES.  
 **Karen McCormick:** Ruby and I have a fanclub!! You should join, Clyde!  
 **Ruby Tucker:** yOU tOTALLY sHOULD cLYDE. wE wEAR pINK oN wEDNESDAYS  
 **Craig Tucker:** why are you still awake, ruby go to bed it’s five in the morning  
 **Ruby Tucker:** t(.___.)t  
 **Craig Tucker:** t(-_-t)

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited  (Your Full Name) to play Farmville.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ike, must we go over this every week  
 **Ike Broflovski:** come play with us!!!!!! we don’t bite!!!!!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i do, but only for you  (Your Name)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i’m not playing this damn game, you two  
 **Kenny McCormick:** give into my wiles  
 **Kenny McCormick:** GIVE IN TO ME  
 **(Your Full Name)** : NEVER

xxx

 **Karen McCormick** has invited  Clyde Donovan to the group BELIEBERS UNITE AND STAND TOGETHER!!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : for the first time in my life i have no witty thing to put here  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i am truly at a loss. people have always told me there will come a day when a friend hits rock bottom and there won’t be a joke, but i never believed them  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i should have believed them

 **Clyde Donovan** has joined the group  BELIEBERS UNITE AND STAND TOGETHER!!!  
 **\-- Karen McCormick, Ruby Tucker, and Ike Broflovski like this.**

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** is now in a relationship with **Clyde Donovan**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you’re dating a belieber  
 **Bebe Stevens:** don’t remind me, please.  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick and Craig Tucker like this comment.**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** YOU GUYS, I SWEAR, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH JB, OKAY???  
 **Kenny McCormick:** my sister says they might vote him to be group president, he is that much more ardent than the rest of them  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I HAVE A PASSION IN MY LIFE. THAT’S MORE THAN THE REST OF YOU.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : clyde, honey, this is not something to be proud of  
 **Bebe Stevens:** clyde stop talking about justin bieber MY PARENTS CAN SEE THIS RELATIONSHIP UPDATE AND ARE JUDGING YOU  
 **Arthur Stevens:** Bebe, I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting young Clyde, even though you have dated him on numerous previous occasions. I can now understand why.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** Oh, uhm. Hello, Mr. Stevens.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** SIGH  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Wendy Testaburger like this comment.**

xxx

 **Pip Pirrup** had a jolly good blast at the Homecoming Dance! Thanks for going with me,  Damien Thorn!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : seriously, you two. what happened in hell’s pass?  
 **Damien Thorn:** we d0 n0t speak 0f hell’s pass  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yeah, but seriously  
 **Damien Thorn:** WE D0 N0T SPEAK 0F HELL’S PASS  
 **(Your Full Name)** : OKAY, BUT THAT IS NOT HELPING MY CURIOSITY DAMIEN  
 **Pip Pirrup:** I’ll tell you when you’re older,  (Your Name) :)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i hate you sometimes, pip  
 **Pip Pirrup:** I’m used to being hated, so it’s okay. :)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i’m just kidding. i love you, blondie. now tell me ABOUT HELL’S PASS  
 **Damien Thorn:** D0 N0T MAKE ME ASK MY FATHER T0 PUNISH Y0U  
 **(Your Full Name)** : NO. NOT ANOTHER MUSIC VIDEO. I’LL BE GOOD. I’LL BE GOOD, I SWEAR  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick and Craig Tucker like this comment.**


	18. (eighteen)

**(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
YOUNG LADY, WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
really, mom? on social media?  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick likes this.**

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET AHOLD OF YOU? YOU’RE ALWAYS OVER AT THAT MCCORMICK BOY’S HOUSE NOW

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
i’m not ALWAYS over there... just most of the time now...

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
SHOULD I CALL YOUR SECRETARY AND HAVE HIM PENCIL ME IN TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL?  
 **Butters Stotch:** I can fit you in at 4pm!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : thanks, butters. you’re really earning that $5 a month i pay you.  
 **Butters Stotch:** I take pride in my work!!  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW AT 4PM, YOUNG LADY

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
what are we going to be talking about, mother? so i may pencil it into my appointment book

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
THE FACT THAT YOU ARE DATING THAT KENNY BOY. DO YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT? I’M SURE IF HE SO MUCH AS WINKS YOUR WAY YOU’LL BE KNOCKED UP  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick likes this.**  
 **(Mother’s Name)** : KENNETH MCCORMICK DON’T YOU GO LIKING MY COMMENTS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY, YOUNG MAN OR I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT  
 **Kenny McCormick:** ... yes ma’am!  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Karen McCormick - Kenny McCormick**  
You have a girlfriend now!! :) She should come over sometime so we can play tea party together.

 **Kenny McCormick - Karen McCormick**  
i don’t know if she’s going to want to do that, karen

 **Karen McCormick - Kenny McCormick**  
(Your Name), do you want to come over sometime and play tea party?? Kenny can dress up as a princess like he used to!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : I WOULD NOT MISS THIS FOR THE WORLD, KAREN  
 **Karen McCormick:** See,  Kenny? I told you she would love to! :)  
 **Kenny McCormick:** ...... i no longer have that costume  
 **Karen McCormick:** Don’t lie to me, big brother :)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i totally want to see you as a princess, kenny-chan ;)  
 **Craig Tucker:** kawaii princess kenny-chan desu  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i hate all of you  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski, Craig Tucker, Ruby Tucker and Karen McCormick like this comment.**

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh** is now friends with **Sharon Marsh**.

 **Sharon Marsh** is now friends with **Kyle Broflovski** , **Sheila Broflovski** , **Ike Broflovski** , **Shelly Marsh** , **Randall Marsh** , **Kenny McCormick** , **(Mother’s Name)** , and **(Your Full Name)**.

 **Sharon Marsh** isn’t quite sure how to use this Facebook thingy.  
 **Randall Marsh:** yOu’Re DoInG rEaLlY gOoD sO fAr ShArOn  
 **Sharon Marsh:** Randy, why are you typing like that?  
 **Randall Marsh:** lIkE wHaT?????  
 **Sharon Marsh:** Like you have something wrong in the head, Randy.  
 **Randall Marsh:** tHiS iS hOw AlL tHe CoOl KiDs TyPe ShArOn, GaWd DoN’t Be JeLlY. wE wIlL hAvE tO sEnD yOu To JeLlY sChOoL  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yeah, just ask Wendy. Jelly school isn’t a fun place to be.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** DO NOT BRING UP JELLY SCHOOL AGAIN. IT DOES NOT EXIST. IT DOES *NOT* EXIST.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** *someone* is testy about jelly school  
 **(Your Full Name)** : don’t be jelly that the rest of us went to regular school, wendy  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** I will end you,  (Your Name). I. Will. End. You.

xxx

 **Jimmy Valmer** w-w-why d-does a s-s-seagull fly o-over the s-s-sea?  
 **Jimmy Valmer:** b-b-b-because if it flew o-o-over the b-bay it w-would be a b-b-b-b-bagel  
 **(Your Full Name)** : *applause*  
 **Jimmy Valmer:** w-wow what a g-g-great audience  
 **(Your Full Name)** : comedy gold like always, jimmy  
 **\-- Jimmy Valmer likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Butters Stotch** is now in a relationship with **Lola Gibson**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : this is the cutest thing ever, butters. congrats!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** now we have someone in the running for second cutest couple!  
 **Eric Cartman:** who’s first???  Kyle and Stan? Fags.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : well you could be in the running if we ever find the sasquatch. then you’d finally have a girlfriend  
 **Craig Tucker:** burn.  
 **Eric Cartman:** HEY, SCREW YOU GUYS. I DON’T NEED TO PUT UP WITH THIS.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** delete your facebook, do it.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : yeah, that would show us, cartman. THAT WOULD SHOW US  
 **Eric Cartman:** YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE I WILL  
 **\-- Kyle Broflovski, Stanley Marsh, and 63 others like this comment.**  
 **Lola Gibson:** I hope he really does. He is very, very mean to poor Butters.  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** I AM NOT MEAN. I AM JUST HONEST. GAWD.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : honestly a fatass  
 **\-- Kyle Broflovski likes this comment.**


	19. (nineteen)

**Eric Cartman** is now friends with **Sasquatch Susie**.

 **Eric Cartman** is now in a relationship with **Sasquatch Susie**.  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick, (Your Full Name), Kyle Broflovski, Stanley Marsh, Craig Tucker, and 56 others like this.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** I wish you both the best of luck in your new relationship!  
 **Craig Tucker:** i ship it  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** omg you two are the CUTEST!!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i think you two kind of look alike. no wonder you’re both so attracted to each other  
 **Bebe Stevens:** awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! so cute!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** You two definitely deserve each other.  
 **Eric Cartman:** WHO THE FUCK HACKED MY FACEBOOK  
 **Kenny McCormick:** come on, cartman don’t be like that. just admit you’re in love with sasquatch susie  
 **Eric Cartman:** FUCK YOU. I DID NOT DO THIS. WHO THE FUCK HACKED IT, HUH?  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Are you scared of commitment, Cartman? Don’t be scared. I’m sure Susie loves you very much.  
 **Eric Cartman:** GO FUCK YOURSELF, TESTABURGER. WHO THE FUCK DID THIS.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : now you can be cutest couple eric :)  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Clyde Donovan, Kenny McCormick, Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and 27 others like this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** oh it is *on* now, bitch  
 **Kenny McCormick:** don’t call my woman a bitch, cartman, or you’re going to have me to deal with :)

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is sooooo scared. She’s shaking in her little tiny booties because  Eric is plotting some eeeeevil payback.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this status.**  
 **Tweek Tweak:** y-you should be s-scared!!! oh the pressure!! i would be scared!!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** i’ll protect you :)  
 **Craig Tucker:** *barf*  
 **(Your Full Name)** : don’t be jealous, tucker. (;  
 **Craig Tucker:** don’t worry. i’m not. t(-_-t)  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Kenny McCormick like this comment.**

xxx

 **Craig Tucker** is at  Taco Bell with **Clyde Donovan** and **Tweek Tweak**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : what, no invite??? i see how it is, craigy-poo  
 **Craig Tucker:** you have a hot dick to take you around now  
 **Clyde Donovan:** YEAH. WHY WOULD YOU NEED US ANYMORE? LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY TEARS.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** shots fired.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : gdi kenny stop taking my lines!!!

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** is going to regret this, but  Clyde Donovan is coming over tonight to have dinner with the family.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : *Clyde sets the mood with some music* *Justin Bieber starts playing in the background*  
 **Kenny McCormick:** *Bebe’s dad shoots Clyde* *Officer Barbrady has to be called to the scene*  
 **Craig Tucker:** *no one mourns clyde because justin bieber is a douchebag and clyde deserved what he got*  
 **Clyde Donovan:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY GUYS. OH MY GOD YOU’RE ALL SOOOOO WITTY.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : are we going to have to stage an intervention?  
 **Clyde Donovan:** IF I WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND I’D NEVER LET YOU GO. I COULD TAKE YOU PLACES THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE  
 **(Your Full Name)** : get out.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
 **Arthur Stevens:** Bebe, dear, I think I might actually have a prior obligation.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** SIGH

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** uploaded 102 new photos into the album  Senior Homecoming!!

 **(Your Full Name)** and **Kenny McCormick** were tagged in a photo.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : oh. my. god.  
 **Kenny McCormick:** uhm.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** ... so you two weren’t lying when you said Kenny was successful at stripping at least one time  
 **(Your Full Name)** : WENDY TAKE THIS PICTURE DOWN  
 **Craig Tucker:** leave it up, wendy  
 **(Your Full Name)** : when i see you at school tomorrow, craig, you’re a deadman  
 **Craig Tucker:** t(-_-t)  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** IKE DON’T LOOK AT THIS PICTURE!

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **(Your Full Name)** to play  Candy Crush Saga.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you do not want to make an enemy out of me, isaac  
 **Ike Broflovski:** I promise this 1 is fun!!!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : YOUR PROMISES MEAN NOTHING TO ME

 **Ike Broflovski** , **Karen McCormick** , **Kenny McCormick** , **Ruby Tucker** , and **Butters Stotch** have begun playing **Candy Crush Saga**.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you know who would love an invite, Ike?  
 **Ike Broflovski:** ??????  
 **(Your Full Name)** : Stanley  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
 **Stanley Marsh:** NO I WOULD NOT LIKE AN INVITE

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **Stanley Marsh** to play  Candy Crush Saga.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : STANLEYYYY IT’S SO MUCH FUNNNN  
 **Stanley Marsh:** ... i hate you.  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**


	20. (twenty)

**(Your Full Name) \- Clyde Donovan**  
do you want some nudes?

 **Clyde Donovan - (Your Full Name)**  
what????????????

 **(Your Full Name) \- Clyde Donovan**  
nudes, motherfucker. i know that you realize what they are

 **Clyde Donovan - (Your Full Name)**  
uhm. is this a trick question???? sure???  
 **Kenny McCormick:** what the fuck is going on!????  
 **\-- Bebe Stevens likes this comment.**

 **Clyde Donovan - (Your Full Name)**  
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW  
 **Clyde Donovan:** ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS  
 **Clyde Donovan:** DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST  
 **Clyde Donovan:** SOMETIMES I HATE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS  
 **Kenny McCormick:** ????  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i’ll forward you the pic  
 **Kenny McCormick:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
 **Bebe Stevens:** She never did say it would be *her* who’d be nude, Clyde  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I HATE EVERYTHING IN THIS FUCKING TOWN IT’S LIKE YOU’RE ALL CONSPIRING AGAINST ME  
 **(Your Full Name)** : hey come on, don’t be mean to daniel radcliffe. he totally rocked it in that equis play  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I DON’T WANT A PICTURE OF HIM NAKED POSING WITH A HORSE THOUGH  (Your Name) GDI  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Ruby Tucker** tHINKS iT’S cUTE tHAT kAREN hAS a cRUSH!  
 **Karen McCormick:** Ruby!! Don’t say anything!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** WHAT! who is it!?  
 **Karen McCormick:** It’s no one, Kenny! Don’t worry about it!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** who is this boy! what’s his name! how long have you liked him!?  
 **Karen McCormick:** Uggggh! Kenny, this is why I didn’t want to tell you!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** answers, karen! i want answers!

xxx

 **Kenny McCormick - Karen McCormick**  
karen who is this boy? do you even know all that much about him? i need a name

 **Karen McCormick - Kenny McCormick**  
No. I’m not giving you a name. You know, you should be more like Kevin! He just leaves my personal business alone! I’m fourteen, I can take care of myself!

 **Kenny McCormick - Karen McCormick**  
BOYS ARE EVIL, KAREN. they only want one thing! i should know, i’m a boy! who is this boy??? do you even know that he’s a good guy??? i need to investigate this

 **Karen McCormick - Kenny McCormick**  
Not all boys are like that, Kenny!! And you’re better now, remember? You have a girlfriend!

 **Kenny McCormick - Karen McCormick**  
AFTER MANY YEARS OF BEING AN AWFUL BOY. i mean it karen i need a name

 **Karen McCormick - Kenny McCormick**  
No! Just stay out of it! I didn’t want anyone to know about my crush anyway!

 **Kenny McCormick - Karen McCormick**  
one way or another i will find my answers, baby sister. i will find out who this boy is.

xxx

 **Butters Stotch** I thought Mysterion was gone for good????  
 **(Your Full Name)** : what??  
 **Butters Stotch:** I just saw him! Gee, he pulled some little boy into an alleyway and made him cry!! I wonder what that was all about?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : he hasn’t been seen since elementary school. i wonder what brought him back  
 **Eric Cartman:** maybe the coon will come back too! you know, since he’s the cooler of the two!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** no one likes the coon  
 **(Your Full Name)** : YEAH, CARTMAN GOD. STOP TRYING TO MAKE THE COON HAPPEN. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick, Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski like this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** ‘EY! FUCK YOU!

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** went from being _In a Relationship_ to _Single_.  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** How could you break Susie’s heart like that, Eric?  
 **Kenny McCormick:** you heartless animal  
 **Eric Cartman:** i fucking hate all of you

xxx

 **Sasquatch Susie** IS COMPLETELY BROKEN HEARTED RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANTED  Eric Cartman TO ACCEPT AND LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM.  
 **Eric Cartman:** JUST SERIOUSLY. GO DIE IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE, YOU HO  
 **Kenny McCormick:** how cruel and she loved you so much, eric  
 **Eric Cartman:** fuck you, kenny  
 **Kenny McCormick:** no thank you. i’d much rather fuck my smoking hot girlfriend than you, eric  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** god you two are disgusting  
 **Clyde Donovan:** WHY CAN’T IT BE MEEEEEEEE  
 **(Your Full Name)** : if you wanna date Susie i’m sure she’ll give you a chance once she mends her broken heart  
 **\-- Craig Tucker and Token Black likes this comment.**  
 **Clyde Donovan:** ...


	21. (twenty one)

**(Your Full Name) \- Craig Tucker**  
°˖ ✧◝(○ ヮ ○)◜✧˖ °

 **Craig Tucker - (Your Full Name)**  
t(-_-t)

 **(Your Full Name) \- Craig Tucker**  
⊙ω⊙

 **Craig Tucker - (Your Full Name)**  
┌П┐(►˛◄’!)

 **(Your Full Name) \- Craig Tucker**  
ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

 **Craig Tucker - (Your Full Name)**  
凸(｀△´＋）

 **(Your Full Name) \- Craig Tucker**  
(◕‿◕✿)  
 **Clyde Donovan:** what the fuck am i looking at???  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ლ(๏‿๏ ◝ლ)  
 **Clyde Donovan:** ???????????  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ∩(︶▽︶)∩  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick likes this comment.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ૮( ᵒ̌▱๋ᵒ̌ )ა  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
I HOPE YOU TOOK AWAY A LOT FROM OUR CONVERSATION TODAY. TELL YOUR SECRETARY THANK YOU FOR SCHEDULING ME

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
i still say that i can’t get pregnant just from a look, mom

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
TRUST ME, (Your Name), I KNOW THESE THINGS. I HAD YOU AFTER ALL

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
are you sure i didn’t just appear on your doorstep one day, cause that’s what i’m thinking

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
NO. YOUR FATHER AND I ENJOYED A LOT OF SEX DURING THAT TIME  
 **(Your Full Name)** : OKAY MOM I GET IT THANK YOU

xxx

 **Pip Pirrup** is at  Taco Bell with **(Your Full Name)** and **Damien Thorn**.  
 **Craig Tucker:** no invite?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : sorry, i thought you didn’t want to be around me since i have a new hot dick  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick likes this comment.**  
 **Craig Tucker:** burn.  
 **Pip Pirrup:** I offered to take her out as celebration for acing her quiz we studied for!  
 **Damien Thorn:** i d0n’t kn0w why she picked tac0 bell when y0u 0ffered t0 take her anywhere..  
 **(Your Full Name)** : TACO BELL IS MY JAM, DAMIEN  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Stanley Marsh** is now in a relationship with **Kyle Broflovski**.  
 **\-- (Your Full Name), Kenny McCormick, Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, and 109 others like this.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : I WIN. I FUCKING WIN. I WIN THE BET.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** WHY COULDN’T YOU GUYS WAIT ONE MORE WEEK!????  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** I WAS BETTING ON GRADUATION. DANG IT!  
 **Kenny McCormick:** I DON’T HAVE $50 TO ACTUALLY PAY.  (Your Name) CAN I PAY WITH MY BODY INSTEAD?  
 **Eric Cartman:** FAGS  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** *sigh*  
 **Stanley Marsh:** i figured this was how they were going to react.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Randall Marsh - Stanley Marsh**  
sOn I tHiNk We NeEd To TaLk

 **Stanley Marsh - Randall Marsh**  
really dad? on facebook?

 **Randall Marsh - Stanley Marsh**  
i JuSt WaNt YoU tO kNoW tHaT i SuPpOrT yOu StAnLeY

 **Stanley Marsh - Randall Marsh**  
gee, thanks dad.

 **Randall Marsh - Stanley Marsh**  
BuT pLeAsE tElL mE tHaT yOu ToP!!!!  
 **Sharon Marsh:** RANDY!!!  
 **Stanley Marsh:** UGH!  
 **Sharon Marsh:** RANDY WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!  
 **Shelly Marsh:** whatever, he’s still a turd.  
 **Sharon Marsh:** SHELLY!  
 **Stanley Marsh:** mom honestly right now Shelly is the only one being normal and i appreciate that  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Kenny McCormick like this comment.**


	22. (twenty two)

**(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Kevin Stoley**.

 **Kevin Stoley** is now friends with **Stanley Marsh** , **Kyle Broflovski** , **Craig Tucker** , **Red** , **Lola Gibson** , and 22 others.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kevin Stoley**  
welcome to the dark side, young one

 **Kevin Stoley - (Your Full Name)**  
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU  
 **Eric Cartman:** dear god help us all it’s fucking kevin stoley  
 **(Your Full Name)** : stfu cartman, kevin is cooler than you  
 **\-- Kevin Stoley likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Kevin Stoley** is now in a relationship with **Red**.  
 **Eric Cartman:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW  
 **(Your Full Name)** : called it!  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick, Red, Craig Tucker, and Kevin Stoley like this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** HOW ARE SO MANY UNDESERVING NERDS GETTING GIRLFRIENDS BEFORE ME????  
 **(Your Full Name)** : because you are the most undeserving of all?  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Clyde Donovan** likes  Tacos.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i never would have guessed  
 **Clyde Donovan:** I’m not talking to you right now!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : my heart. it hurts.  
 **Clyde Donovan:** really???  
 **(Your Full Name)** : NO  
 **Clyde Donovan:** THIS IS WHY JUSTIN BIEBER IS BETTER THAN YOU

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** went from being _In a Relationship_ to _Single_.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ??  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** ^^^ secondeded  
 **Bebe Stevens:** SIGH  
 **Clyde Donovan:** she apparently CAN’T HANDLE THE BELIEBER SIDE OF ME  
 **Craig Tucker:** shocking.  
 **Tweek Tweak:** A-AGHHH!  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** i’m sorry clyde someday you will meet a girl who accepts every part of you.

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Al Gore**.  
 **\-- Stanley Marsh likes this.**  
 **Kenny McCormick:** ???

 **Al Gore - (Your Full Name)**  
I need your help in finding Manbearpig!!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Al Gore**  
i haven’t talked to you since you tried to get me to help you when i was in elementary school...

 **Al Gore - (Your Full Name)**  
You were a great asset back then and I need you to reenter the fray once more!!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Al Gore**  
uhm... how about “no”?  
 **\-- Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski likes this.**

xxx

 **Sheila Broflovski - Kyle Broflovski**  
Bubbeh, I just want you to know that no matter what, I will always love and accept you.

 **Kyle Broflovski - Sheila Broflovski**  
Mom, you seriously don’t have to put this on Facebook. We already talked about this the other day!

 **Sheila Broflovski - Kyle Broflovski**  
I know, Kyle, but your father and I just want to make sure you knew and understood that we love you! Even if you want to date Stanley and not settle down with a pretty girl and someday have children, we still love and accept you.

 **Kyle Broflovski - Sheila Broflovski**  
Thanks, mom.  
 **Ike Broflovski:** yea, don’t worry. i can knock up a bunch of chicks someday and then mom will have her grandkids!!!  
 **\-- Kenny McCormick and (Your Full Name) like this comment.**  
 **Sheila Broflovski** ISAAC BROFLOVSKI!!!!


	23. (twenty three)

**Kenny McCordick** okay, who hacked my facebook  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Bebe Stevens, Stanley Marsh, Ike Broflovski, and (Your Full Name) like this status.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : why, kenneth, what a lovely name you have  
 **Kenny McCordick** : i should have known  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Stanley Marsh, and Bebe Stevens likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** winter vacation starts in a week and i have absolutely no plans for those two weeks  
 **\-- Bebe Stevens and Wendy Testaburger likes this comment.**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** ROAD TRIPPPPP  
 **\-- Wendy Testaburger, Kenny McCordick, and Token Black like this comment.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Bebe! What a great idea! We should totally road trip to California!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : wait, what?  
 **Kenny McCordick:** can i go too!???  
 **Bebe Stevens:** omg, YESSSS! let’s make this a whole big thing, okay??? who are we inviting? where exactly are we going?? sleepover on friday to figure this out!!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : wait, i didn’t sign up for this  
 **Sasquatch Susie:** can i go too!???  
 **(Your Full Name)** : gdi kenny, gtfo  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **Stan Marsh** to play  Candy Crush Saga.  
 **Stan Marsh** : no  
 **Ike Broflovski:** no seriously this 1 is sooooo fun stan!!  
 **Stan Marsh:** no  
 **Ike Broflovski:** o, come on help your favorite boyfriend’s brother out  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I’m his *only* boyfriend, Ike.  
 **Ike Broflovski:** *favorite ONLY boyfriend’s brother  
 **Stan Marsh:** still a no

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **Kyle Broflovski** and **Sheila Broflovski** to play  Candy Crush Saga.

 **Kyle Broflovski** has begun playing  Candy Crush Saga.

 **Kyle Broflovski** has invited **Stan Marsh** to play  Candy Crush Saga.  
 **Stan Marsh:** seriously, dude??? no!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Come on! Let’s have one game we play together as a couple!!  
 **Stan Marsh:** still no  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Dude!  
 **Stan Marsh:** NO  
 **Randall Marsh:** tHaT’s RiGhT, sTaN!! bE a DoMiNaNt ToP!!!  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**  
 **Stan Marsh:** UGH!!!!  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** needs to figure out this road trip guest list! -- with _Wendy Testaburger_ and _(Your Full Name)_.  
 **Eric Cartman:** i think you should TOOOOTALLY invite me, cuz like i’m the only one who knows how to have a good time  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i will literally rip out your internal organs and feed them to you if i’m forced to share a car with you for a 15 hour car ride  
 **\-- Kenny McCordick likes this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** WELL MAYBE I DIDN’T WANT TO SHARE A CAR WITH YOU EITHER, BITCH  
 **(Your Full Name)** : GOOD. DRIVE BY YOURSELF, FATASS  
 **Eric Cartman:** HEY, FUCK YOU HIPPIE!  
 **Sasquatch Susie:** we can carpool together, eric, and rekindle our love  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** best decisions EVER to share that password with kenny,  (Your Name)  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Kenny McCordick like this comment.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Anyway, so far the following people have accepted and have cars:  Token, myself, Stan, and Bebe. Everyone except Stan has a compact car, so we can fit four people, five if we squish. Which would not be comfortable, so we’re going to count it as four! Stan has his mom’s minivan and she’s agreed he can use it for the trip, so he can fit eight people as well as himself. Four in the third row, three in the second, and two up front. So we can have a total of twenty one people if we really wanted!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : jfc, are we seriously going to have 21 people on this trip? damn  
 **Bebe Stevens:** probably not, but hey. dream big or go home, ho  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** At the sleepover on Friday, we can talk more about who we want to invite and such! :)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i’m soooo looking forward to it  
 **Bebe Stevens:** your sarcasm is not appreciated, (Nickname).  
 **(Your Full Name)** : t(-_-t)  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with  Pete Wynn, Michael Rossi, and Firkle Thompson.  
 **\-- Henrietta Biggle likes this.**

 **Michael Rossi - (Your Full Name)**  
I heard what you did for Henrietta. That was hardcore.  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this.**

 **(Your Full Name) \- Michael Rossi**  
thanks. i roll mad deep, yo.

 **Michael Rossi - (Your Full Name)**  
Ugh, please don’t say that again. You’re going to make me vomit.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Michael Rossi**  
i won’t apologize for who i am. YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND, MICHAEL

 **Michael Rossi - (Your Full Name)**  
I have a feeling that’s meant to mock me.

 **(Your Full Name) \- Michael Rossi**  
i have a feeling you’re right  
 **\-- Pete Wynn likes this comment.**


	24. (twenty four)

**(Your Full Name)** : IT IS OFFICIAL! MY MOM SAID I COULD GO ON A ROAD TRIP THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS!  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, Kenny McCordick, Stanley Marsh, Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, and 29 others like this.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Yayyy! So far you, myself, Bebe, Clyde and Token all have permission.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** my parents told me yes just twenty minutes ago  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** My mom told me I could if I finished all my winter break homework in advance.  
 **\-- Sheila Broflovski likes this comment.**  
 **Ike Broflovski:** i want 2 goooooooooooooooo  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Well, you can’t, Ike. You’re not old enough.  
 **Ike Broflovski:** i’m not going 2 take care of ur farm while ur gone  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** IKE, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY FARM! I DON’T WANT IT TO DIE!  
 **Stanley Marsh:** jfc

xxx

 **Eric Cartman - Kenny McCordick**  
how are you even going to go, kenny? you’re fucking poor

 **Kenny McCordick - Eric Cartman**  
i can get ahold of money if i need it. i’m going, fatass, so shove it

 **Eric Cartman - Kenny McCordick**  
i bet you’re gonna have to sell your body in order to get the money. your gf won’t like that!!

 **Kenny McCordick - Eric Cartman**  
fuck off, fatass  
 **\-- (Your Full Name)** likes this.

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** is now friends with **Chef**.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** WTF  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I thought he was dead!???  
 **Kenny McCordick:** uh  
 **Chef:** Hello there, children!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : apparently there’s facebook in hell. sounds like my version of hell, anyway  
 **Damien Thorn:** there is faceb00k in hell. i can v0uch f0r that

xxx

 **Chef** is now friends with **Stanley Marsh** , **Kenny McCordick** , **Kyle Broflovski** , **Eric Cartman** , and 22 others.

 **Chef - Kenny McCordick**  
What in the world is wrong with your last name, child?

 **Kenny McCordick - Chef**  
don’t be jealous, chef

 **Chef - Kenny McCordick**  
Jealousy... isn’t the right word for it, Kenny.  
 **\-- Kenny McCordick likes this.**

xxx

 **Kenny McCordick** and **Karen McCormick** are now friends with **Kevin McCormick**.

 **Kevin McCormick - Kenny McCordick**  
r u srs rt now?

 **Kenny McCordick - Kevin McCormick**  
don’t be jealous, bro  
 **\-- Karen McCormick likes this.**

xxx

 **Kyle Broflovski** , **Ike Broflovski** , and **Sheila Broflovski** are now friends with **Gerald Broflovski**.

 **Gerald Broflovski** is now friends with **Sharon Marsh** , **Randall Marsh** , **Stanley Marsh** , **(Your Full Name)** , **(Mother’s Name)** , and 39 others.

 **Ike Broflovski** has invited **Gerald Broflovski** to play  Candy Crush Saga.  
 **Stanley Marsh:** he has seriously only been on facebook for fifteen minutes and you’re already inviting him to that!?  
 **Ike Broflovski:** gotta start early!!!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Dad, will you watch my farm on Farmville while I’m out of town?  
 **Stanley Marsh:** _Stanley Marsh has uploaded a picture: facepalm.jpg_  
 **\-- (Your Full Name), Kenny McCordick and Craig Tucker like this comment.**

xxx

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
IS THAT KENNY BOY GOING ON THE ROAD TRIP TOO?

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
yes

 **(Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
YOU BETTER NOT COME BACK KNOCKED UP

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Mother’s Name)**  
MOM. UGH. DON’T POST THAT ON MY WALL  
 **\-- Kenny McCordick and Craig Tucker like this.**


	25. (twenty five)

**Wendy Testabitch** Okay, who hacked my Facebook? This is not funny. I have colleges that look at this!  
 **Kenny McCordick:** idk. who’s the person in our group of friends who likes to hack peoples’ facebooks...  
 **Wendy Testabitch:** gdi  (Your Full Name)  
 **(Your Full Name)** : don’t use me as your scape goat, kenneth  
 **Kenny McCordick:** why, i would NEVER  
 **(Your Full Name)** : liars don’t get blow jobs  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
 **Kenny McCordick:** fuck  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** GUYS. PLEASE DO NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION ON MY FACEBOOK.  
 **Bebe Stevens:** you were so much more fun BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO GO FOR HARVARD!  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ^^^ what bebe said

xxx

 **Kevin McCormick** is now friends with **(Your Full Name)**.  
 **\-- Karen McCormick likes this.**

 **Kevin McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
so ur da 1 dting my bro huh

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kevin McCormick**  
yup. i’m the one who tamed the wild beast.

 **Kevin McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
gewd 4 u. i bet he drses up as a prncss n bed, huh

 **(Your Full Name) \- Kevin McCormick**  
believe it or not, that’s not the weirdest question i’ve had about dating kenny

 **Kevin McCormick - (Your Full Name)**  
i cn blive dat  
 **Kenny McCordick:** gtfo of here kevin gdi  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Full Name) \- Pip Pirrup**  
okay but seriously what happened in hell’s pass

 **Pip Pirrup - (Your Full Name)**  
You still really want to know, huh?

 **(Your Full Name) \- Pip Pirrup**  
i burn with the fire of a thousand suns worth of curiosity

 **Pip Pirrup - (Your Full Name)**  
Well.... I guess I can tell you. If Damien doesn’t mind?  
 **Damien Thorn:** fuck n0 d0n’t tell her y0u’ll never hear the end 0f it  
 **(Your Full Name)** : damien, i am hurt and upset that you would think so low of me  
 **Damien Thorn:** n0 i actually think really high 0f y0u c0mpared t0 0ther pe0ple  
 **(Your Full Name)** : color me shocked  
 **Pip Pirrup:** I was trying to impress Damien, so I tried skateboarding on his board and I ended up falling from a very high place and hurting myself. :(  
 **(Your Full Name)** : t-that’s it? that’s all? that was the entire thing i’ve been rabidly curious about for the past month and a half or so?  
 **Pip Pirrup:** Yup! I’m afraid so.  
 **Damien Thorn:** n0t 0ur fault y0u’re fucking crazy  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : fuck you, Craig

xxx

 **Butters Stotch** Gee, I know you guys were wanting me to go on that road trip, but I can’t. :( I got grounded.  
 **Kenny McCordick:** why???  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ^  
 **Butters Stotch:** My parents said that I shouldn’t be using the name “Butters” on Facebook and that I’m grounded. :(  
 **(Your Full Name)** : ......?  
 **(Your Full Name)** : wait, you’re serious?  
 **Leopold Stotch:** Yes :(  
 **Kenny McCordick:** i would say what i’m thinking but i’m pretty sure you’d get grounded for my cursing on your wall  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** FINALLY! It’s the day before our winter vacation starts! I’M SO STOKED!  
 **\-- Wendy Testaburger, Kenny McCordick, (Your Full Name), and 27 others like this.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : WE’RE THAT MUCH CLOSER TO THE ROAD TRIP  
 **\-- Bebe Stevens and Wendy Testaburger like this.**  
 **Bebe Stevens:** this road trip is GOING TO BE OFF THE CHARTS  
 **Craig Tucker:** fo shizzle my nizzle  
 **Bebe Stevens:** gtfo craig  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) and Craig Tucker like this.**


	26. (twenty six)

**(Your Full Name)** god that last day of school felt like months, didn’t it  
 **\-- Kenny McCordick likes this.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** We get to go on our road trip soon though!! Just a little while longer!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** i’m counting down the days on my calendar!  
 **Craig Tucker:** i have it penciled into my diary  
 **(Your Full Name)** : along with (Your Name) tucker right?  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this.**  
 **Kenny McCordick:** am i missing something here

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** It really isn’t the spirit of Christmas unless the goth kids light something on fire.  
 **\-- Craig Tucker, (Your Full Name), Stan Marsh, and 37 others like this.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : it was the goths? i thought it was cartman  
 **Eric Cartman:** FUCK YOU I DON’T ALWAYS LIGHT SHIT ON FIRE  
 **Kenny McCordick:** yeah  (Your Name) that was only like twenty times. max.  
 **Eric Cartman:** THOSE WERE ACCIDENTS, YOU POOR FUCK  
 **(Your Full Name)** : “accidents” like that time you fed your half brother his parents amiright  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
 **Eric Cartman:** go fuck yourself  
 **Kenny McCordick:** fuck me instead  
 **\-- (Your Full Name) likes this.**

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** ha ha  Kyle you can’t celebrate Christmas  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Fuck off, fatass!  
 **Sparky:** BARK BARK  
 **Eric Cartman:** HOW THE FUCK IS THAT DOG COMMENTING ON MY STATUS  
 **Stan Marsh:** you tagged kyle in it, and he’s friends with kyle. i don’t think he likes you talking shit, cartman  
 **Sparky:** BARK BARK GROWLLLLL  
 **Eric Cartman:** gdi stan you are so gay

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** Okay! I figured out car arrangements! In my car we can comfortably seat four, so it’s going to be myself, Token, Bebe, and Cartman (because I don’t want to subject him on anyone else). In the other car-- the van Stan is going to drive!-- it’s going to be Stan, Kyle, Tweek, Craig, Clyde,  (Your Name), and Kenny!  
 **Bebe Stevens:** WE’RE SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT  
 **Kenny McCordick:** careful you might just be tasting cartman’s sweat in the air  
 **Bebe Stevens:** ew, kenny  
 **(Your Full Name)** : you waited until the day before to figure this out wendy? that’s so unlike you  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** I’ve been busy lately!  
 **Sparky:** BARK BARK BARK?  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** SIGH  
 **Stan Marsh:** i think he’s wondering where he fits in  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this.**  
 **(Your Full Name)** : there’s craig again, being a stalker  
 **\-- Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak like this.**

xxx

 **Ike Broflovski** i still think i should b able 2 go on the roadtrip cuz my mom really wants grandkids. i need 2 b able to knock up as many chix as possible!!!!  
 **Sheila Broflovski:** ISAAC BROFLOVSKI!!  
 **Ike Broflovski:** ur the 1 who said u wanted grandkids mom  
 **Sheila Broflovski:** Isaac, if you do not stop this fooling around right this instant, young man, you are going to be grounded!  
 **Ike Broflovski:** u r going 2 ground me 4 doing what u want????? u want grandkids!!!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** Ike, you know exactly why she’d ground you.  
 **\-- Ike Broflovski likes this comment.**  
 **Sheila Broflovski:** YOU ARE GROUNDED, MISTER. I am coming into your room right now to take away your Facebook privileges!  
 **Ike Broflovski:** aw mommmmmmmm

xxx

 **(Your Full Name)** who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to get up at 4am to start on this god damn road trip  
 **\-- Kenny McCordick, Stan Marsh, Craig Tucker and 4 others like this.**  
 **Wendy Testaburger:** Me! It’s so we can get as much ground covered as possible today.  
 **(Your Full Name)** : UGH  
 **Craig Tucker:** she obviously needs her beauty sleep. she looks like crap today  
 **(Your Full Name)** : i’m gonna gut you like a fish  
 **Craig Tucker:** why are you talking to me on facebook when i’m sitting behind you in the van  
 **(Your Full Name)** : because go fuck yourself, that’s why  
 **\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**

xxx

 **Eric Cartman** made sure to bring enough snacks for the trip!! But that stingy Jew Kyle better stay the fuck away from them!  
 **Kyle Broflovski:** I don’t want your stupid snacks, Cartman! STFU  
 **(Your Full Name)** : first rest stop Kenny and i are tackling him, who’s with me?  
 **Eric Cartman:** YOU AND YOUR POOR BOYFRIEND BETTER STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME  
 **(Your Full Name)** : watch your back, lardass  
 **\-- Kenny McCordick, Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak and 12 others like this.**


	27. (twenty seven)

**Randall Marsh** I AM LORDE, YA YA YA. sUcH a CaTcHy SoNg!!!  
**Stan Marsh:** dad, please.

xxx

 **Clyde Donovan** (Your Name) WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO TACO BELL FOR DINNER!???  
**(Your Full Name)** : clyde we literally have the entire city to choose from to eat and you still choose taco bell? i s2g  
**Wendy Testaburger:** We can get Mexican from an authentic place, Clyde!  
**Clyde Donovan:** fuck off, wendy, how dare you insult taco bell like this IT HAS FEELINGS YOU KNOW  
**Bebe Stevens:** this is why we broke up clyde  
**\-- Kenny McCordick, Craig Tucker, and 12 others like this comment.**  
**Clyde Donovan:** ET TU CRAIG-TE?

xxx

 **Wendy Testaburger** is at  Red Iguana with **Kenny McCordick** , **Stanley Marsh** , and **8 others**.  
**Clyde Donovan:** dude, taco bell would have been way better than this  
**Kenny McCordick:** you can still get tacos here, clyde  
**Clyde Donovan:** IT’S NOT THE SAME  
**(Your Full Name)** : you can pick lunch tomorrow. anything OTHER than taco bell.  
**Clyde Donovan:** NOT TACO BELL!?  
**(Your Full Name)** : not taco bell  
**Clyde Donovan:** i guess i can switch things up a little…  
**Eric Cartman:** where are we eating tomorrow? i need to know this shit  
**Clyde Donovan:** LET’S SWITCH THINGS UP AND GET DEL TACO  
**(Your Full Name)** : are you for fucking real right now  
**\-- Craig Tucker, Token Black, and 6 others like this comment.**

xxx

 **Tweek Tweak** THE UNDERPANTS GNOMES FOUND ME IN UTAH O-OH GOD!!!!!  
**\-- Eric Cartman likes this.**  
**Eric Cartman:** they’re gonna fuck up your life, spaz  
**Tweek Tweak:** I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO ALL WEEK WITHOUT ANY UNDERPANTS  
**Craig Tucker:** come over to my room with clyde, tweek  
**Tweek Tweak:** BUT THEN THEY’RE GOING TO GET YOUR UNDERWEAR TOO  
**Clyde Donovan:** nah! we’ll protect you.  
**\-- Craig Tucker likes this comment.**  
**Tweek Tweak:** ok… if you’re sure…..

xxx

 **Bebe Stevens** WENDY JUST WENT STREAKING WITH CARTMAN OMG  
**(Your Full Name)** : i can’t believe my goading actually made her do it  
**\-- Kenny McCordick likes this comment.**  
**Token Black:** I do not condone this sort of behavior.  
**Clyde Donovan:** token is jeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalous  
**Craig Tucker:** of cartman? that’s funny  
**Token Black:** I’m not jealous! I just think this kind of shit is stupid!  
**(Your Full Name)** : so much salt  
**Token Black:** Fuck off,  (Your Name).  
**\-- (Your Full Name) and Eric Cartman likes this comment.**

xxx

 **(Your Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
WHAT IS GOING ON OVER THERE YOUNG LADY  
WHAT KIND OF HIJINKS ARE YOU GETTING INTO

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Your Mother’s Name)**  
do people seriously still say hijinks, mom?

 **(Your Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
DON’T CHANGE THE TOPIC, MISSY

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Your Mother’s Name)**  
we were just playing truth or dare, mom.  
some “hijinks” were had, but not too many

 **(Your Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
YOU BETTER NOT COME BACK KNOCKED UP

 **(Your Full Name) \-  (Your Mother’s Name)**  
don’t worry. kenny’s been wearing his safety glasses so his glances don’t impregnate me  
**\-- Kenny McCordick likes this.**

 **(Your Mother’s Name) \-  (Your Full Name)**  
YOUR SASS IS NOT APPRECIATED

xxx

 **Al Gore - (Your Full Name)**  
Your assistance is still required!!!

 **(Your Full Name) \- Al Gore**  
the answer is still no, mr. gore

 **Al Gore - (Your Full Name)**  
Stop playing hard to get!!! The safety of our lives depend on your help!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're all caught up now! Let's hope I update soon, amirite?
> 
> If you ever feel like chatting, my fanfiction tumblr is [here](http://karenawilliams-sucka.tumblr.com)!


	28. (interlude pt 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired by [this](http://mynxalicious.tumblr.com/post/126208218019/aus-for-when-both-members-of-your-otp-are-stubborn) post. This isn't the first interlude I've written for this series, but it is the first one I went _fuck it, i'mma just post it with the rest of the story, nobody is gonna fucking care_. I hope you guys enjoy the general chaos.  <3

“(Y/N), we need to go to bed,” Bebe whined from the entryway of the hotel room. You didn’t even bother to look around at her. You were too busy glaring at the game you’d been playing for hours at this point. “It’s five in the morning, we have to be up in two hours to drive, and you still have coffee all over your blouse.”

“This war will not be won by pussies,” you muttered as you picked up the piece you needed for your next move. “You don’t give up when things get hard, Bebe.” 

“(Y/N)!” Wendy suddenly appeared in the doorway and you could just practically hear her hands on her hips. Was that a thing? Are people supposed to be able to hear when a friend has their hands on their hips just by their tone of voice? Wendy had such a distinctive fucking voice sometimes, you’d swear she practices it in the mirror if you didn’t know better. 

“I thought you went to bed five hours ago,” Clyde piped up this time from across the game. His eyes were too busy glaring at the thing you and he had been battling over for the last few hours. 

“Yes, I did,” Wendy snapped, “and now I’m up again because you two won’t SHUT UP ABOUT CONNECT FOUR.” 

“I’m almost about to beat him,” you whined as you placed your next piece into the game and watched it with satisfaction. “We’re almost done, I swear.” 

“You swore that _three hours ago_ ,” Bebe shrieked. You could hear her stomp her foot from behind you. You didn't even look around to see for sure. You knew Bebe too well not to be able to tell when she was about to throw a tantrum. 

“God, Bebe, you’re so childish,” you teased as Clyde tapped his lower lip and thought about his next move. 

“I’m childish!?” Bebe asked and she actually sounded a little offended. Oops. “You’re the one who’s been playing Connect Four for the last five hours just because you _won’t let Clyde win_.” 

“Babe,” Kenny piped up for the first time in probably two hours. “Can we please just go to bed? Seriously. You’re gonna pass the fuck out any second.” 

“No can do. I have to win.” 

“It’s just Connect Four,” Craig said in a tone that clearly showed he knew what he was doing. His smirk confirmed it when both you and Clyde turned in tandem to glare at him. 

“It’s not just Connect Four, Craig! I’M NOT GOING TO LOSE TO CLYDE, CRAIG!” 

“I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO EAT TACO BELL, BUT I WILL FEAST ON MY VICTORY OVER  (Y/N)!” Clyde yelled back. There came a loud banging on the neighboring wall and a man’s voice shouting for everyone to shut the fuck up. 

“FEAST ON THIS,” you yelled as you made the move that would finally grant you victory. A second later and Clyde threw the game across the room with a wail like a banshee. You ducked just in time so that it didn’t whack you in the face. Instead it soared across the hotel room and struck Stan, who had just entered with a confused look. 

“I shouldn’t have come to ask what all the yelling was about,” he muttered as he rubbed his nose. 

“I CALL CHEATSIES!” Clyde shrieked. 

“WHO THE FUCK SAYS CHEATSIES, CLYDE?” 

“I FUCKING DO, (Y/N)!” 

“This was a horrible idea,” Bebe groaned as she face palmed. Wendy stomped back down the hall to her own room, and Kenny sighed from his seat in the corner. 

“She’s so beautiful when she’s riled up,” he muttered. 

“Why are we all so fucking weird?” Stan asked to the general room, but everyone ignored him.


End file.
